


Adulthood 102

by hillay17



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: M/M, Season/Series 02, i really don't get the tagging system, that's something, theres a lot of feeeeeelings in this, they have sex like once or twice it's not really the focus, what tags am i supposed to use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:07:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24927439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hillay17/pseuds/hillay17
Summary: I'm back on my bullshit. This is ongoing and has a lot of chapters. It's about Troy and Abed in season 2 mostly, with a lot of interaction and development of most other major characters too. Things get messy and complicated pretty fast, but when has that ever not happened?
Relationships: Annie Edison & Britta Perry, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Shirley Bennett & Britta Perry, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 24
Kudos: 88





	1. Two bros chilling in a dorm room no feet apart cause they're not gay

21 was a year and a birthday that was supposed to be anticipated, so thanks a lot, mom. Being 21 had come unexpectedly and suddenly, but at least Troy’s friends had rallied at the last minute to take him out. And he’d discovered that the “adults” of the group were just as much idiots making things up as he was, which was comforting but also not comforting at all.  
He dropped the aforementioned idiots off one by one, and Jeff was not drunk enough not to know that his car was his car, but too drunk to argue when Troy said he’d just come by in the morning to pick him up for school. Troy knew it was probably silly, but he wanted to spend some more time with Abed, because he was Troy’s best friend and had clearly had a bad time that night.  
As Troy pulled into the overnight parking lot, he sent up a prayer that the ticket guy would oversleep as he usually did and give Troy the chance to leave, and pick up Jeff in the morning before the guy got there.  
“Hey buddy, you okay?” Troy asked.  
“No, I’m pretty upset.”  
“You want to talk about it?”  
“A guy at the bar threw a drink in my face.” Abed closed the car door, and then opened it again, reached inside, and grabbed his phone.  
“I was wondering why your face was so wet back in the bar. What happened?”  
“He wanted to have sex with me in the bathroom. I think he was mad that I didn’t figure that out and instead talked about Far-“as he said this he stumbled and almost fell over, so Troy jumped forward to stabilize him- “scape.”  
“Jesus, Abed, I’m sorry, that’s horrible!”  
“That’s why I got drunk. I’m sorry we ruined your birthday.”  
Troy sighed. “You didn’t.”  
“Oh, because I thought we did. You know in movies your 21st birthday is supposed to be a big deal and you get drunk and don’t have any responsibilities. But it seems like tonight you took responsibility for everyone else. So it seems like maybe your birthday was ruined.”  
“No.” Troy was trying to stay positive, but it was hard, so his voice came out a lot sharper than he’d meant. “I do wish I could have gotten drunk. But you guys and your safety are more important.” He sighed again. “Is this how being an adult is gonna be? Because it kind of sucks so far!”  
“Troy…” Abed’s words were actually slurring a little. They were at the door to the dorm and Troy was basically holding Abed up as he opened the door. “I have alcohol. You should just drink mine.”  
“Maybe. You gotta get off me, buddy, I can’t open the door.”  
“I’m not actually drunk enough to need to lean on you, I just want to.” Abed’s eyes got really big. “Forget I said that.”  
Troy coughed. “gay,” he said quietly. He’d meant it as a joke but Abed said nothing while remaining completely unreadable as usual. “Go inside! Are you sure you’re not drunk?”  
“I am drunk.”  
They walked inside and Abed got a lot less stumble-y as he opened the door to his room.  
“My roommate isn’t here. He’s staying with his mom over the weekend. He left some vodka in the fridge.” Abed punched in the code and opened the door to his dorm room. and then the fridge. “You should get actually drunk on your 21st birthday, at least just for my sake. My 21st birthday was completely trope-free, so I need this vicarious experience.”  
“You gotta stop using such big words around me, Abed,” said Troy. “I have no idea what vicarious means.”  
“Sorry,” said Abed, offering no explanation.  
Troy stared down at the bottle of vodka he was now holding. “Is this all you have? It feels weird to do shots when it’s just you and me. And you probably shouldn’t have any more.”  
“Cranberry juice,” Abed said in explanation, setting it down on the floor.  
“So we can make what, vodka cranberries? Abed, that drink is for soccer moms and college girls. I don’t want my first legal drink to be a girl drink.”  
“Technically this isn’t legal. Students aren’t allowed to keep alcohol in student housing on campus. Also, it tastes good, so quit acting like a giiiirl, broooo.” Abed took on a stereotypical bro voice.  
“Peer pressure. Nice.” Troy grinned and they did that thing. You know that thing that they do, the like, double slapping thing.  
Troy poured himself a vodka cranberry and took a sip, and it was good, and he wondered why he was surprised. Why had he been denying himself such a nice thing for such stupid reasons all this time?  
They both drank their mixes in silence for a minute.  
“Wait, Abed, aren’t you not supposed to drink? You told me muslims had a rule about that.”  
“I’ve already broken it before. You’re right. I’m not supposed to. But I’m also in college. I’m supposed to be doing things that society and my culture says I shouldn’t do, according to everything I’ve seen.”  
“Doing things? Like what?”  
“I really like you, Troy.”  
Troy was confused. “I know that, how is that against your-“ he gasped- “racism?!”  
“No.”  
“Then what? I don’t understand.”  
“I’m happy to have a friend who listens to me and understands me. A lot of people do things like throw drinks in my face, or call me weird or crazy.”  
“I don’t know what that guy’s problem was, anyway. I would listen to you talk about farscape for hours. I did! Last month!”  
“I know. It’s different. For me. It’s new to have someone who does that.”  
Troy gulped down the rest of his drink. At one time a cocktail like this would have been nothing to him, but nowadays he didn’t drink as often and he was really feeling it. Plus the ratio in this drink was wayyy heavy on the vodka side. He felt a little dizzy, and laid his head down on Abed’s lap and looked up at him. “I don’t know why the rest of the world doesn’t see you like I do, Abed.” His voice was uncharacteristically soft and heavy. “They’re missing out hardcore.”  
I think Troy is in love with me, thought Abed, filing it away for later. “Do you want another drink?” he asked, for once grateful that nobody ever seemed to be able to read his face unless he wanted them to, and even then, he had to kind of try hard at it.  
“You know I should say no, but yes.”  
“It’s your 21st birthday. Do you want to let the audience down?”  
Troy laughed. “No, I guess we have to please the audience. But let’s make it a drinking game. Cougartown?”  
“Cougartown,” said Abed as he reached for the remote. They played a drinking game involving some kind of plot point in Cougartown. Don’t ask me what it was about, I’ve never seen the show.  
“Wow,” Troy said. “Those hot moms sure do live in that town.”  
“That’s why it’s called Cougartown, Troy.”  
“You know who else is kind of hot?”  
Abed was confused. “Lots of people are kind of hot.”  
“I meant. I meant…..you.”  
“Me?”  
“Yyyyyyou!!! Oh no, does turning 21 make you stop being able to drink much? Because jeeeeez.” Troy didn’t literally feel the world spinning, but like, it was close. He wondered if he would remember any of this in the morning. Probably, but still. “Can I do something crazy?”  
“You should, it’s your twenty first birth-“  
Oh, that kind of crazy. The kind that didn’t feel crazy at all, really, but also the kind that Abed had assumed would stay within the confines of his vast imagination. This was not in any of his imagined scenarios for how kissing Troy for the first time would go, but that was almost a relief because for once in his life he somehow managed to stop worrying about what was going to happen next.  
Troy repeated to himself over and over in his head that he was doing this because he was drunk, and in college, and this was what you were supposed to do in this time of your life. It didn’t have to make him gay. It was just some fooling around with a friend. Lots of guys did this. He tried his best to ignore whatever kind of dramatic movie feelings he was feeling in his chest. He was drunk. He was drunk.  
“That felt kinda great,” Troy said after they parted lips.  
“Cool,” said Abed. “Cool cool cool cool cool cool.”  
Seven whole cools, Troy thought. Uh oh.  
“Um, Abed?”  
“Yeah, Troy?”  
“I’m really drunk and I don’t know if- um, well, I’m not sure what that- I don’t know why I did that. But you just said cool seven times and I think that means that you maybe think this means that I might have said cool seven times if I were you as well, and I just don’t know if it was worth that many to me, and I think I’m still straight, so I’m sorry for any um, communication problems.”  
They were silent for an uncomfortable amount of time.  
“Why did you kiss me?”  
“I’m not….really sure.”  
“Most of those 80s movies didn’t include experimentation like this because of the homophobia.”  
“Huh?”  
“So you clearly didn’t do it to fulfill the birthday trope thing. So I’m trying to figure out why, since you just said it wasn’t because you like me.”  
“What? I like you!”  
“Yeah but, not in a romantic or sexual way, right?”  
Troy’s heart raced. “I’m straight.”  
“Exactly. I guess this is just one of those social things I can never hope to understand.” He was drunk but his voice was still audibly dripping with sarcasm. “I’m drunk and tired. I’m going to sleep. Don’t try to climb the ladder to the top bunk. Just sleep on the floor.”  
“Do you have extra blankets?”  
“Probably,” said Abed, rolling over.


	2. I’m not gay but if i was i would want equal rights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God damnit Troy  
> (PS. my two potential betas were taking too long and I got impatient and just started posting without one. If someone wants to beta for me I'd love you forever. I got about 17,000 words total and counting)

The sun blazed onto both their faces. “What time is it?” Troy asked.

“What?”

“Abed!! what fucking time is it?”

Abed pointed weakly to the digital clock on the desk.

“It’s 9:00.” Troy said, in full panic mode. “Our class starts in- now!”

They somehow managed to get there and only be a few minutes late. Troy didn’t change clothes and hoped no one would notice. He needed to go home and shower after this.

Jeff raised an eyebrow and smirked as they walked in. “Had a nice night?” He said it at just the wrong level of quiet where he was “discreet”, but everyone totally heard anyway.

Troy flipped him off and buried his face in his backpack as he reached around for his anthropology book, promptly realizing he’d left it in the study room the night before. After  _ that _ , he remembered that actually this class was fake and it literally did not matter if he had the book. And after  _ that,  _ he realized that the whole searching in his bag routine was probably more out of embarrassment and a desire to hide his ever-warming face than any real need to study.

He came up for air and nobody was looking at him. Like truly, nobody. Not even the one person he kind of secretly hoped would be. But that was fine. 

Troy put his head in his hands while keeping it sort of propped up and tried to watch Planet Earth over the heckling from Starburns. 

Heckling, you ask? Don’t. Trust me, you don’t want to know. Just know that the giraffes on the TV, had they been able to hear him and also speak english, would have been extremely angry and/or embarrassed.

Later, the group all sat in the study room and had some kind of discussion about some kind of topic. Jeff glared at Troy and mentioned having to take the bus that morning, and Troy tossed him the car keys without a word. All he could really think about was- well, the obvious thing, but he really had no idea how to bring it up, and didn’t want to in front of everyone. So Troy attempted to participate, and waited for the end of the meeting or session or whatever it’s called.

“You were both so quiet today, is everything okay?” Annie asked as they all walked out together.

“Yeah, we’re both fine,” Troy said, forgetting to control the tone of his voice. It came out extremely sarcastic.

“Uh oh, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” They both said together, and then both had to resist making surprised and excited eye contact. It’s what they would normally do.

“Did you have a bad night? I know we all got pretty messy last night,” she said, trying to keep the conversation going somewhere. “Troy, thanks for taking me home, it was so thoughtful and nice.”

“You’re welcome, Annie,” Troy said, smiling at her and trying to seem romantic. She blushed and laughed softly.

Abed was just about done with this entire situation, unsure if he could continue to stand there and watch this take place without losing it. So he walked away. Very quickly.

“Abed, wait!” Troy chased after him, leaving Annie, confused and a little hurt, standing in the middle of the hall. But not that hurt. It wasn’t like this was the first or last time she’d be left in this sort of situation. Besides, she was over it anyway. It wasn't like she-  _ liked  _ Troy anymore. She’d moved on.

“Abed.” Troy said as he finally caught up. “We need to talk.”

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean,  _ are you sure? _ Do you remember what happened last night?”

Abed visibly rolled his eyes. “No. I don’t remember. Bazinga.”

“Can we please talk about this somewhere private?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Well I really do!” Troy yelled. “I think we need to clear things up!”

“I have been thinking about what you said all morning, and I understand now. You’re a coward.”

“No! I’m-“ Troy leaned in closer and lowered his voice over the hubbub of passing period, trying super hard not to cry and mostly succeeding, “I really want to go somewhere private.”

“Okay, fine, let’s go.”

They found an empty classroom and went inside. Troy took a huge breath.

"I'm not gay," said Troy. "I've been with a lot of girls. I like girls. I love girls. I really do. I guess I've never been  _ in love _ with a girl before but I've never really been in love with..." He looked down at the ground and paused for a pregnant moment. "anyone." 

Abed took a deep breath before he said anything. "you could be bisexual. I think that's what I am."

"What's that, like wanting to have threesomes all the time?"

"No, Troy, it means you like both men and women. It's the same as being gay or straight. There’s just more potential."

"Oh." Troy didn’t say anything for a long time. "ok but I'm straight."

"So the kiss meant nothing to you."

"Yeah," Troy said slowly, a coldness creeping down his veins as he realized, "did it mean something to you?"

Abed stared off into space for a long time.

"I'm in love with you. I have been for a while now, even though I just realized it last night. And you're in love with me too."

Troy blinked. "Uhm, did you not hear me the first four times? I'm straight!" His voice rose in pitch from panic but that didn't have to mean anything. 

"I know you don't want to admit it yet because of internalized homophobia, but it's true. In the meantime, please don't use me as an experiment."

"I wasn't-"

"Then why did you do it?"

"I don't know!" Troy yelled. "I don't know why! We were drunk, it doesn't have to mean anything! God, Abed, you have to bend everyone to your own view of the world!"

"I'm not bending anything, I'm right. Deep down I think you know that too."

"Yeah whatever, ass..uh, jerk." Troy might have been angry and extremely taken aback but he still didn't want to call his best friend an asshole. 

Troy opened the door into Annie's face. 

She attempted to rearrange her features into a neutral expression but she'd never been very good at pretending anything. 

"So I just.... happened to be walking by....and I.....heard.... everything?" She pitched her voice as high and cute as she could until the end of the sentence became a squeak. 

Troy, to his credit, gave her a look that betrayed his actual emotional state: fucking stressed and very confused. 

Annie led him away from the door, inside of which Abed was presumably still sitting on a desk. "I didn't know Abed was, um... You know."

"Me either."

"So you guys....kissed??"

"Annie, I have to get to class so can we talk about this later?"

"Class? You never have class now!"

"Yeah it's new it's uh...intro to....human sexuality."

"What a coincidence." Annie's voice flattened completely at this. 

So Annie knew he’d made that up, clearly. Awesome. Still, he pretty much bolted after that. 

Annie doubled back around as soon as Troy was gone, opening the door to the classroom. Abed was gone too. 


	3. Those little weekend trips to the mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Britta and Annie go to the mall and realize things. Well, sort of

"Yeah, so I was pretending to be the woman in my ID card, and I liked it more than being myself! Is that horrible or what?"

"Not really, Annie," said Britta. "you're young. It makes sense that you don't know who you are. There's still time to change yourself. I mean, me, I'm locked in. I sold out a long time ago. Pretzel?" 

They were at the pretzel stand at the mall. The pretzels twirled around inside the glass case with the laziness of one who knows their fate and has resigned themself to it, if you really wanted to get all heavy-handed with the metaphors. Coincidentally, the flavors of the pretzels were salty and sweet. 

"I haven't had one of these since I was a kid," said Annie. "let's do it. Can I get the caramel one, please?"

"And I want a salty one, if it’s not too much trouble for you, ma’am." Britta was doing her pointed I’m-a-good-person-because-I’m-extra-polite-to-service-workers bit.

“Relax, Britta,” Annie sighed.

"Together or separate?" Asked the very bored lady behind the counter. 

“Separate, please!” Annie said brightly, because she, too, always tried to be extra polite to service workers.

They ate and walked to the other side of the mall, heading for Bath and Body Works but still open to checking out other stores. It was getting colder and colder out, and they both needed more sweaters. 

The whole time Annie struggled to hold in the insanity of what she had witnessed two days earlier. Two days was already way too long to sit on this alone.

They mutually decided to go to American eagle, despite mild complaints from Britta about their shady business practices/conformity. Meanwhile Annie continued to feel like she was going to explode from the secret she'd been holding in for two straight days. Wait, maybe not  _ straight _ days. Ah, I make myself laugh. (Just kidding, that was weak.)

Annie took a deep breath and decided, fuck it. 

"Britta, I have to tell you something, but also I can't, it's horrible!" Annie had managed to hold it in for this long and tell absolutely no one, but now, in front of this busty American Eagle mannequin wearing an "ugly" Christmas sweater, while she was stroking the synthetic fibers on a bright pink sweater underneath, she had finally made up her mind. 

Britta was now on the other side of the store looking at flannels, what else. 

"Britta! Please come here, I think I might explode if I don't tell someone this!"

Somehow she still didn't hear. "God, Britta, how absorbing is that flannel?"

"For your information, this is 100% organic and very absorbent!"

"Oh my God, no. I'm trying to tell you something!" Annie looked around dramatically and whispered. "about a certain codependent pair of friends of ours!"

"Oh come on, Jeff's not *that* addicted to his phone."

"No," said Annie even quieter. "if I tell you this you have to swear not to tell anyone."

"Alright."

"No, swear!"

Britta sighed. "I swear. But this better be good, you're being super dramatic."

"Trust me," said Annie, "it's worth it. Okay. Pause for dramatic effect. Abed...is in love with Troy."

Britta scoffed. "yeah. Pretty freaking much."

"No no, like. Literally. Actually. I heard him say it."

"Wait, WHAT?"

"Yeah, I know, right? And he's convinced Troy loves him back."

"Well, does he?"

"I don't know but apparently they kissed the night we all went to the bar when they were both super drunk. So who knows. I do know Troy had like seven different girlfriends over the course of high school, but plenty of gay guys date girls before they figure it out. Like- well, like my old boyfriend, I guess." What a cruel irony that would be.  _ If  _ she still liked Troy, which she didn’t.

There was a pause, and Britta's face suddenly dropped. 

"Did Jeff put you up to this?"

"What, no! I swear to God, I'm not making this up!"

"Then how do you have so many quick answers, almost like you thought about the answers beforehand?” Britta narrowed her eyes.

"Because I've been thinking about this for two days straight without talking about it to anyone?" Annie was irritated. "what would be my motive to lie about this to you, Britta?"

Britta paused. She definitely didn't have any feelings for Troy whatsoever. That definitely wasn't why she felt upset. I mean, that would kind of make her a terrible person, right? Since she had just made out with Jeff three nights prior? Did it matter? Maybe it didn’t matter. "I don't know. Nothing. No motive. Sorry."

"It's okay," Annie said, side-eyeing her. 

They both stared at the flannels. "what do you think of this one?" Britta asked. 

"Navy blue isn't really your color," said Annie. "what about the grey one?"

Britta held it up and walked over to the mirror to consider. "You're totally right. This one looks great on me. Even if it was made in a sweatshop in-" she paused to check the tag- "Cambodia. God, what have I become?"

Annie sighed. "it's just a shirt, Britta. It's not like we forced anyone to make it. And who even cares? We moved on from the whole Troy and Abed thing really quickly."

"What else is there to say?"

"A lot!" Annie practically yelled. "this is going to affect everything!"

"It's not going to change Cambodian working conditions."

"Ok Britta, whatever. Look, if you don't want to talk about it just tell me. Don't use some random world tragedy as a prop to get out of this conversation."

"What's your problem?" Britta stared down at the grey flannel in her hands. The pretty grey flannel that represented everything wrong with the world, but that she still wanted anyway because it was cute. 

"You just do this a lot. Every time we hang out, you talk about this kind of activism stuff if the conversation isn't going your way. I know you're probably going to buy the shirt anyway. Don't pretend you won't just to make yourself look better."

"Annie," said Britta. "Lay off. You're being so harsh for no reason."

“Maybe you’re right,” said Annie, "it's just- it is really cute. And it suits you. You're allowed to buy things you like."

So she did. They walked out and went into Bath and Body Works. 

Britta was midway through smelling a vanilla candle when she realized she did indeed have just very slight feelings for Troy, even if she HAD just drunkenly made out with Jeff less than a week ago, and perhaps her upsetness before really didn't have anything to do with the exploitation of workers and more to do with her own personal emotions. God, she really  _ had _ sold out. 

She said none of the things going through her mind out loud. But she did buy the candle.

  
  


The mailroom was always crowded on Saturday, but Abed didn't care. He'd gotten an email from the school that a package had arrived for him, and he was pretty sure he knew what was inside. He hadn't seen his mom since the year before, and he was excited to see her and open her present when she came by later to watch Rudolph with him. Yeah, he was probably too old for Rudolph, but it was a tradition. What was he supposed to do, watch a  _ different  _ movie on the one day a year he got to see his mom? Tell her he  _ didn’t _ want to see elves screaming at each other over dentistry? Not likely.

"MY FATHER SEND ME A NINTENDO WII FOR CHRISTMAS!" shouted Garret as soon as he'd ripped open the Nintendo wii-shaped package very visibly in front of everyone (which, incidentally, was a rectangle). He walked away, collecting high-fives on the way. After probably ten minutes of standing in line it was Abed's turn. The girl inside handed him his package with a smile. He took it and walked away. It was the right size and shape to be a DVD, which wasn't surprising considering that was basically all anyone ever gave him as gifts. You broadcast your love of tv enough and people start to put you in a box.

_ I wonder what show it is _ , Abed would later remember thinking when he ran through this moment again in his mind.  _ We never did watch that much tv together _ . 

He sat down on his bed and opened the card first. It was shiny and very Christmassy. Inside was a note. It was from her, just as he’d thought.


	4. WARNING da content of dis chaptr is xtremly scray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas but there's a little more to it than that. You'll see

The group sat together in the dining hall/cafeteria for lunch as usual. Britta, with her new and extremely awkward revelation that she kind of maybe had a thing for Troy combined with the dramatic information Annie had told her the day before, attempted to act normal.

“Merry Christmas, everyone,” said Abed, sounding the same way he always sounded. That was a good sign, she guessed.

“Don’t you mean season’s greetings?” Shirley asked, having learned from the year before that some people aren’t Christian.

“Come on Shirley, you know it’s Christmas,” said Abed.

“Yes, but as a modern Christian, I’ve learned to be sensitive to other culture’s jealousies.” It took all of Britta’s willpower not to groan loudly at this, but she employed all her willpower, so she didn’t.

“So what are we doing this year?” Abed asked the group.

“Well, I’m taking a relaxation course next semester. And I was going to use the break to do all the reading in advance.” Annie had no hint of irony in her voice. Somehow.

“I’m shutting myself in with my video games,” said Troy, trying his best to sound completely normal and happy because he didn’t know what else to do at this point. “Fake-murdering people is gonna be my new holiday tradition.”

“This is disappointing,” said Abed.

“What do you care about Christmas, Abed?” Pierce asked, mispronouncing his name as always. “You’re muslim. Don’t your people spend this season writing angry letters to TV Guide?”

“It’s true,” Abed said, “religiously I’m muslim. But I’ve always been a big fan of Christmas. And this is the most important Christmas in the history of the universe. I’m assuming that’s why we’re all stop-motion animated.”

Everyone stopped mid-chew and stared at Jeff expectantly. “I vote we let it go,” he said.

Nah. Fuck that. “What did you say we were, Abed?” Britta asked, failing to make her voice causal.

“We’re stop-motion animated,” Abed said again.  _ Shit.  _ Was this about the- thing? Britta glanced over at Troy, who actually looked pale somehow. SHIT.

“I don’t understand what he’s saying,” Shirley said unhelpfully.

“I never understand what any of you are saying,” said Pierce.

“You guys don’t see it?” Abed seemed entirely relaxed, which was extra worrying. “I noticed it this morning. That’s how I knew it was a special Christmas. We’ve clearly entered a whole new medium.”

_ What the fuck?! _

“Abed, does the word clearly mean the same thing to you as it does to normal people?” Jeff asked. Britta and Annie both kicked him under the table.

“It’s probably Arabic for ‘not clearly’,” said Pierce. Britta, Annie and Shirley all kicked him under the table. 

Pierce put up his hand for a high five from Troy, who looked disgusted. “You really expect me to tarnish the high five for that?” 

Abed, to his credit, was beginning to look  _ slightly  _ concerned. 

But! Not! Enough! “You guys really don’t see what I’m seeing? That worries me a little.” 

Wasn’t that the understatement of the decade. “I think it worries all of us,” said Britta. “Is there something that we can do to help you with your...situation, Abed?”

“For starters, you could move around more. Not much point in being animated if you don’t. And I think we should commit to the format. Starting with a song.”

Everyone looked expectantly at Jeff again. He rolled his eyes.

“You start,” said Jeff, “I’m sure we’ll join in.”

As soon as Jeff had finished speaking, Abed stood up and walked away. Britta gave him a look and the two of them followed him outside. 

"Should we come with you?" Annie called after them. 

"No, stay there!" Yelled Jeff. "we got this."

Britta looked around. "Where the hell did he go?" 

"You guys looking for Abed? He wandered off singing that way," said Chang, pointing. "He's acting weirder than usual today."

"Thanks, Chang," Jeff said as he took off. After a moment they spotted Abed. He wasn't hard to see because he was so tall and also singing. 

"Abed!" Britta called but it was no use. There were way too many people in the hall. 

They continued to follow him outside, where he began jumping on top of cars and setting off alarms. 

"This is bad," said Jeff. 

"Agreed, but what can we-" Britta was cut off by one of the campus cops tazing Abed off of another car’s hood. 

"This is so bad." Jeff said brightly. 

"You're so useless, Jeff."

"Abed," Britta said, her voice high and slow, "are you feeling better?"

"We're still stop motion if that's what you're asking," said Abed, rubbing his shoulder and walking through the hall, led by one of the campus police, "but I'm not in extreme pain anymore so I guess that's good."

"Jesus," Jeff whispered. 

"You can let go of me now," said Abed. "I promise I won't do another musical number. It's not exactly thematically appropriate at this point."

  
  


"Okay, so I don't want to even be talking to you about this but my options right now are you, Pierce and Shirley so I had to go with what I had."

"Oh...." said Annie, a little upset at the implication that she was a last resort but pretending not to be, "and they would probably never see you the same way again?"

"I really don't want to think about that right now!" Troy exclaimed. "my whole brain is already crying, do you want to make it scream too?"

Annie stared at Troy. 

"No."

"WAS THIS-" Troy started off yelling but then looked around, worried someone was going to hear- "was this my fault? He doesn't handle emotional situations well.  _ Did I break Abed? _ ” He stared hard at the ground. "I promised him and myself so many times that I would be different. That I would be careful, and pay attention and-" his voice broke. "he's never going to trust me again."

Annie was shocked. She'd never seen Troy like this. He wasn't even freaking out anymore, he was just sad and defeated. 

"Ok Troy," Annie said gently, "let's go find the others. We can tell them what happened. We'll fix everything." She didn't really believe it but she was pretending to like, super hard, so that had to count for something. 

  
  


“Abed,” said Duncan after several minutes of inane, but concerning, questioning, “I’ve been a professor of psychology here at Greendale for many years. And I think I see a solution to this that might also help you with your situation. I’d like to do extensive sessions with you, including hypnosis-”

“I don’t need therapy.” Abed interrupted.

“Nobody said you did,” said Duncan, throwing up his arms to “show” he “meant no harm”. “I just think it would benefit you and, incidentally, me, to get to the real meaning of all this.”

“You’re right,” said Abed. “That’s it. I need to find the meaning of Christmas.”

“Uh, well-” Duncan started, but it was too late. Abed was somewhere else entirely now.

“If I can find the meaning of Christmas, everything will go back to normal.” He stood up and started walking away again.

“Asterisk,” Jeff said quietly, looking at Britta expectantly.

“Abed,” Britta said, standing up too, “the Dean says if you don’t get help, they might kick you out of school.”

“Why would I want to be in a school that hates Christmas?”

She had no idea how to respond to that, and while she was trying to think about it, he walked out. Again.

“He’s got a point,” Jeff said sarcastically, and Britta glared at him. “ _ Kidding.”  _

Jeff walked out, and Britta started to as well.

"Britta," said Duncan, "hold on a minute."

"What is it, Duncan? You want a book deal out of this or something?"

"No! Well, yes, but no more importantly- has the Dean told you about how Abed  _ needs _ me to help him get better in therapy or-"

"They're gonna kick him out of school." Britta interrupted. "Yeah. Did you not hear me five seconds ago? Look, I know what you want, and it's what I want too."

"So we're on the same page."

"Yeah." Britta tried not to sigh. 

There was a pause as she started to leave.

"So you  _ are _ willing to sleep with me."

"Fuck off, you creep. No!" Britta shuddered.

"I was kidding! But get him in your study room. With the rest of your band of weirdos." 

Britta glared and walked out, looking for Abed, and when she found him she tried to gently bring up him going to therapy again, to no avail. 

"I already told you, Britta. We need to find the meaning of Christmas." Abed was being, as usual, impossible. The only problem was that the stakes were way higher this time. 

"Don't you think therapy could help you do that?" Britta asked, trying to make her voice as gentle as possible. Jeff had wandered off so it was just the two of them in the hallway. It was quiet now. Most people were in class. 

"No. I can't go to therapy. I don't need it. There's nothing someone like Duncan can tell me that I don't already know. Therapists are just people who want to feel superior to others and I don't need that. It won't help." He pushed open the door into the courtyard and walked over to a bench and sat down. 

Britta sat down next to him with a sigh. Was now the time to bring up the whole thing Annie had told her? The thing she wasn't really supposed to know?  _ Finesse, Britta _ , she thought to herself.  _ Subtlety _ . It wasn't exactly one of her strengths. 

"Ok, so no therapy," Britta winced. "Do you have any idea what brought this on? Why are you seeing us as- what did you say? Not clay but-"

"Silicone dolls with foam bodies over ball-and-socket armatures". 

"Yeah, that. Did it have anything to do with any emotional, um, difficulties... that you might have been going through recently?"

Abed didn't say anything for a few seconds. 

"I don't know. We just have to find the meaning of Christmas. And fast."

He didn't  _ seem _ gay. But if Annie said he was- she could kind of see it. But shit, now he was standing up and walking away. She tried to call after him but he was clearly lost in his own world. This wasn't going to work. 

She was going to have to trick him. And just pray that he'd eventually forgive her for it. 

-i have a plan- she texted Jeff. -get everyone into the study room-

-whos everyone-

-our whole group minus abed. And Duncan. I'll text abed later once we talk this thru-

-whats the plan here Britta?- 

-group therapy-

-amazing- said Jeff. -just what I wanted to do with my afternoon-

-comd on Jeff do u want him 2 get kicked out of school or not-

-ok fine. Half of us are here already anyway. See u later-

Britta made her way to the study room, trying not to think about the ethical implications of her actions. They weren't amazing; she couldn't stop herself thinking that much. But as long as this worked, it would all be worth it. Probably.


	5. WARNING da content of dis chaptr is xtremly scray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long to update!! It's the Christmas episode in a slightly different format. You'll see what I mean

The group sat together in the dining hall/cafeteria for lunch as usual. Britta, with her new and extremely awkward revelation that she kind of maybe had a thing for Troy combined with the dramatic information Annie had told her the day before, attempted to act normal.

“Merry Christmas, everyone,” said Abed, sounding the same way he always sounded. That was a good sign, she guessed.

“Don’t you mean season’s greetings?” Shirley asked, having learned from the year before that some people aren’t Christian.

“Come on Shirley, you know it’s Christmas,” said Abed.

“Yes, but as a modern Christian, I’ve learned to be sensitive to other culture’s jealousies.” It took all of Britta’s willpower not to groan loudly at this, but she employed all her willpower, so she didn’t.

“So what are we doing this year?” Abed asked the group.

“Well, I’m taking a relaxation course next semester. And I was going to use the break to do all the reading in advance.” Annie had no hint of irony in her voice. Somehow.

“I’m shutting myself in with my video games,” said Troy, trying his best to sound completely normal and happy because he didn’t know what else to do at this point. “Fake-murdering people is gonna be my new holiday tradition.”

“This is disappointing,” said Abed.

“What do you care about Christmas, Abed?” Pierce asked, mispronouncing his name as always. “You’re Muslim. Don’t your people spend this season writing angry letters to TV Guide?”

“It’s true,” Abed said, “religiously I’m Muslim. But I’ve always been a big fan of Christmas. And this is the most important Christmas in the history of the universe. I’m assuming that’s why we’re all stop-motion animated.”

Everyone stopped mid-chew and stared at Jeff expectantly. “I vote we let it go,” he said.

Nah. Fuck that. “What did you say we were, Abed?” Britta asked, failing to make her voice causal.

“We’re stop-motion animated,” Abed said again.  _ Shit.  _ Was this about the- thing? Britta glanced over at Troy, who almost looked pale. SHIT.

“I don’t understand what he’s saying,” Shirley said unhelpfully.

“I never understand what any of you are saying,” said Pierce.

“You guys don’t see it?” Abed seemed entirely relaxed, which was extra worrying. “I noticed it this morning. That’s how I knew it was a special Christmas. We’ve clearly entered a whole new medium.”

_ What the fuck?! _

“Abed, does the word clearly mean the same thing to you as it does to normal people?” Jeff asked. Britta and Annie both kicked him under the table.

“It’s probably Arabic for ‘not clearly’,” said Pierce. Britta, Annie and Shirley all kicked him under the table. 

Pierce put up his hand for a high five from Troy, who looked disgusted. “You really expect me to tarnish the high five for that?” 

Abed, to his credit, was beginning to look  _ slightly  _ concerned. 

But! Not! Enough! “You guys really don’t see what I’m seeing? That worries me a little.” 

Wasn’t that the understatement of the decade. “I think it worries all of us,” said Britta. “Is there something that we can do to help you with your...situation, Abed?”

“For starters, you could move around more. Not much point in being animated if you don’t. And I think we should commit to the format. Starting with a song.”

Everyone looked expectantly at Jeff again. He rolled his eyes.

“You start,” said Jeff, “I’m sure we’ll join in.”

As soon as Jeff had finished speaking, Abed stood up and walked away. Britta gave Jeff a look and the two of them followed him outside. 

"Should we come with you?" Annie called after them. 

"No, stay there!" Yelled Jeff. "we got this."

Britta looked around. "Where the hell did he go?" 

"You guys looking for Abed? He wandered off singing that way," said Chang, pointing. "He's acting weirder than usual today."

"Thanks, Chang," Jeff said as he took off. After a moment they spotted Abed. He wasn't hard to see because he was so tall and also singing. 

"Abed!" Britta called but it was no use. There were way too many people in the hall. 

They continued to follow him outside, where he began jumping on top of cars and setting off alarms. 

"This is bad," said Jeff. 

"Agreed, but what can we-" Britta was cut off by one of the campus cops tazing Abed off of another car’s hood. 

"This is so bad." Jeff said brightly. 

"You're so useless, Jeff."

"Abed," Britta said, her voice high and slow, "are you feeling better?"

"We're still stop motion if that's what you're asking," said Abed, rubbing his shoulder and walking through the hall, led by one of the campus police, "but I'm not in extreme pain anymore so I guess that's good."

"Jesus," Jeff whispered. 

"You can let go of me now," said Abed. "I promise I won't do another musical number. It's not exactly thematically appropriate at this point."

  
  


"Okay, so I don't want to even be talking to you about this but my options right now are you, Pierce and Shirley so I had to go with what I had."

"Oh...." said Annie, a little upset at the implication that she was a last resort but pretending not to be, "and they would probably never see you the same way again?"

"I really don't want to think about that right now!" Troy exclaimed. "my whole brain is already crying, do you want to make it scream too?"

Annie stared at Troy. 

"No."

"WAS THIS-" Troy started off yelling but then looked around, worried someone was going to hear- "was this my fault? He doesn't handle emotional situations well.  _ Did I break Abed? _ ” He stared hard at the ground. "I promised him and myself so many times that I would be different. That I would be careful, and pay attention and-" his voice broke. "he's never going to trust me again."

Annie was shocked. She'd never seen Troy like this. He wasn't even freaking out anymore, he was just sad and defeated. 

"Ok Troy," Annie said gently, "let's go find the others. We can tell them what happened. We'll fix everything." She didn't really believe it but she was pretending to like, super hard, so that had to count for something. 

  
  


“Abed,” said Duncan after several minutes of inane, but concerning, questioning, “I’ve been a professor of psychology here at Greendale for many years. And I think I see a solution to this that might also help you with your situation. I’d like to do extensive sessions with you, including hypnosis-”

“I don’t need therapy.” Abed interrupted.

“Nobody said you did,” said Duncan, throwing up his arms to “show” he “meant no harm”. “I just think it would benefit you and, incidentally, me, to get to the real meaning of all this.”

“You’re right,” said Abed. “That’s it. I need to find the meaning of Christmas.”

“Uh, well-” Duncan started, but it was too late. Abed was somewhere else entirely now.

“If I can find the meaning of Christmas, everything will go back to normal.” He stood up and started walking away again.

“Asterisk,” Jeff said quietly, looking at Britta expectantly.

“Abed,” Britta said, standing up too, “the Dean says if you don’t get help, they might kick you out of school.”

“Why would I want to be in a school that hates Christmas?”

She had no idea how to respond to that, and while she was trying to think about it, he walked out. Again.

“He’s got a point,” Jeff said sarcastically, and Britta glared at him. “ _ Kidding.”  _

Jeff walked out, and Britta started to as well.

"Britta," said Duncan, "hold on a minute."

"What is it, Duncan? You want a book deal out of this or something?"

"No! Well, yes, but no more importantly- has the Dean told you about how Abed  _ needs _ me to help him get better in therapy or-"

"They're gonna kick him out of school." Britta interrupted. "Yeah. Did you not hear me five seconds ago? Look, I know what you want, and it's what I want too."

"So we're on the same page."

"Yeah." Britta tried not to sigh. 

There was a pause as she started to leave.

"So you  _ are _ willing to sleep with me."

"Fuck off, you creep. No!" Britta shuddered.

"I was kidding! But get him in your study room. With the rest of your band of weirdos." 

Britta glared and walked out, looking for Abed, and when she found him she tried to gently bring up him going to therapy again, to no avail. 

"I already told you, Britta. We need to find the meaning of Christmas." Abed was being, as usual, impossible. The only problem was that the stakes were way higher this time. 

"Don't you think therapy could help you do that?" Britta asked, trying to make her voice as gentle as possible. Jeff had wandered off so it was just the two of them in the hallway. It was quiet now. Most people were in class. 

"No. I can't go to therapy. I don't need it. There's nothing someone like Duncan can tell me that I don't already know. Therapists are just people who want to feel superior to others and I don't need that. It won't help." He pushed open the door into the courtyard and walked over to a bench and sat down. 

Britta sat down next to him with a sigh. Was now the time to bring up the whole thing Annie had told her? The thing she wasn't really supposed to know?  _ Finesse, Britta _ , she thought to herself.  _ Subtlety _ . It wasn't exactly one of her strengths. 

"Ok, so no therapy," Britta winced. "Do you have any idea what brought this on? Why are you seeing us as- what did you say? Not clay but-"

"Silicone dolls with foam bodies over ball-and-socket armatures". 

"Yeah, that. Did it have anything to do with any emotional, um, difficulties... that you might have been going through recently?"

Abed didn't say anything for a few seconds. 

"I don't know. We just have to find the meaning of Christmas. And fast."

He didn't  _ seem _ gay. But if Annie said he was- she could kind of see it. But shit, now he was standing up and walking away. She tried to call after him but he was clearly lost in his own world. This wasn't going to work. 

She was going to have to trick him. And just pray that he'd eventually forgive her for it. 

-i have a plan- she texted Jeff. -get everyone into the study room-

-whos everyone-

-our whole group minus abed. And Duncan. I'll text abed later once we talk this thru-

-whats the plan here Britta?- 

-group therapy-

-amazing- said Jeff. -just what I wanted to do with my afternoon-

-comd on Jeff do u want him 2 get kicked out of school or not-

-ok fine. Half of us are here already anyway. See u later-

Britta made her way to the study room, trying not to think about the ethical implications of her actions. They weren't amazing; she couldn't stop herself thinking that much. But as long as this worked, it would all be worth it. Probably.


	6. I don’t want a lot for Christmas…. but I was hoping for more than this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abed's Christmas continues to be uncontrollable.

Britta walked into the room. Troy looked completely miserable. Everyone else just looked worried. 

"Ok guys, we have to be supportive no matter what." Annie said. "this is a weird situation, but it's for the best. Abed needs us!"

"Yeah, he needs us to do something that doesn't involve this psycho," Jeff said in an attempt at nonchalance, gesturing at a very out of place Duncan, who was standing in the corner due to a lack of chairs. 

"He's coming," said Britta. "oh good, someone brought cookies."

"I would have made them myself but it was very short notice," Shirley said with well-veiled annoyance. "I bought them at the store." They were gingerbread cookies with Christmas shapes and red and green sugar sprinkles over white frosting. Britta's stomach growled audibly. She realized she'd never actually had lunch since it was cut short by the whole "Abed is having a psychotic break" situation. She reached for a tree and bit into it just as Abed walked in. She gulped down the bite she'd just taken and put the cookie on the table as quickly as she could. 

Everyone was staring at Abed just, right in the face. Especially Duncan. Abed froze and narrowed his eyes.

“You lied to lure me into a group therapy session?” Abed asked. 

“Surprise!” Pierce yelled.

Jeff whipped around. “Pierce,” he hissed, “you promised not to do that.”

“Surprise…” Pierce said again, but sadly.

“Not cool,” said Abed, starting to leave for like the fourth time today.

“H-h-hold on, Abed.” Duncan stuttered, “I’m not just a phsychology professor. I’m also a-” he paused- “Christmas….wizard.”

“You are?” Abed asked, sounding almost intrigued.

“I  _ am.  _ And I can help you find the meaning of Christmas. Right guys?”

There were half hearted murmurs of agreement.

“Oh, this feels safe,” Jeff said sarcastically.

“Shut up, Winger,” said Duncan. “What do you think, Abed?”

“Christmas wizard. Hmm. I guess I can see that.” He blinked hard and then tilted his head slightly.

“Have a seat, then,” Duncan said after waiting a couple of seconds. “Nothing to be afraid of.”

_ YEAH FUCKING RIGHT _ , thought Britta, realizing too late that this was one of the worst ideas she’d maybe ever had. But it was too late to do much about it now. She carefully avoided Jeff’s gaze, as she knew he’d be agreeing with her internal monologue. And probably had been this whole time. Duncan was a complete idiot, and so self-involved he’d never be able to help the massive puzzle box that was Abed’s mind. It would probably have been better to just let Abed get kicked out of school than to put him through this garbage fire.

But it was too late. This was what they were doing. The great and brilliant professor Ian Duncan was now walking them through some kind of relaxation exercise.

“It’s beginning,” Abed said with extreme drama, after about ten seconds.

“All right, then,” said Duncan.

“The table’s moving. Shaking like a rocket about to take off. Now it’s leaving the floor and the walls and ceiling fall away. We’re in outer Christmas space.”

Ok.

“There’s planet Holly,” said Abed like a narrator, “and planet Jolly.”

“Oh,” Duncan cut in, “and what’s that up ahead? It’s planet Abed…..”

“Subtle,” said Jeff.

“Yeah we’re actually descending onto planet Abed now. It’s the most Christmassy planet in the universe. Its atmosphere is 2% cinnamon.”

“Aww!” said Annie and Shirley.

“We’re here,” said Abed. His eyes were still closed but nobody else’s were at this point. “Winter wonderland. See how sparkly?”

“What, are you crazy?” Pierce asked, oblivious as usual. “All I see is the st-” Shirley hit him on the shoulder- “ooh, sparkly wonderland.”

“You might notice that during our journey you’ve transformed into Christmas versions of yourselves.” Abed pointed at Jeff, his eyes still closed. “Jeff in the box.”

Jeff blinked slowly. “Uh huh.” He glared at Duncan, raising his eyebrows.

“Troy soldier.”

“Cool!” Troy exclaimed. “Do I have a gun?” His heart actually leapt. Maybe things were okay between them after all!

“You have a drum,” Abed said extremely matter of factly.

“Cool….” Troy said again. Maybe he’d spoken too soon.

“Britta,” Abed continued, “you’re Britta-bot.”

“Uhh..” Britta started.

“Just go with it,” said Jeff.

“Bleep bloop,” Britta said sadly.

“Teddy Pierce,” said Abed.

“Bleep bloop for me, too,” said Pierce.

“Ballerannie.”

Annie pretended to be modest about getting a good toy. But it didn’t work. Which was, frankly, completely ridiculous, but whatever.

“Baby doll Shirley.”

“Baby what?” Shirley said. “What the hell?”

Duncan cleared his throat from the corner of the room, trying to bring the attention back to himself. “Well,” he said, “we are making fabulous and unexpectedly intense progress. Now, what I’d like to do is visit the ~cave of frozen memories~.” He waved his arms around dramatically, and uselessly, since Abed’s eyes continued to be closed.

“Pass,” Abed said. “Let’s head for the north pole. The meaning of Christmas will be there.”

“Um,” Duncan said, “Well, yeah, yeah, sure. Cheers. And I actually think I know a shortcut to the north pole through the ~cave of frozen memories~.”

“Fine,” Abed said with extreme annoyance in his voice, “I guess we can take gumdrop road through carol canyon and stop at the cave. I wouldn’t call it a shortcut, but you got us here, so I’ll throw you a bone.”

He sang some kind of song about the meaning of Christmas. I’m  _ not  _ writing it down, it’s extremely Ranken-Bass esque. What did you expect, his entire trauma revolves around Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Just know that it was a song, and it sounded very magical or whatever.

“This isn’t going to be fun, easy, or safe,” said Abed when he’d finished the song.

Jeff threw Duncan the biggest stinkeye in the history of the world, to which Duncan simply responded, “shut up, Winger.” Jeff continued to glare at him, and so did Annie. Duncan rolled his eyes and left the room, throwing his hands up.

“Fair warning, guys,” said Abed. “A journey through winter wonderland tends to test your commitment to Christmas. And when I say test, I mean Wonka style.” Uh oh.

“I’m talking dark.” Fucking uh oh! “My advice: stay honest, stay alert, and for the love of God, stay between the gumdrops.”

Troy looked up for a split second and noticed Chang staring at them extremely creepily through the windows of the hall. However, that was also the moment that Duncan decided to come back, holding a huge stack of papers. He shoved Chang. Chang shoved him back. They had a heated whispering argument in which Duncan nearly dropped his entire stack of papers, but then Duncan won, Chang left and Duncan shoved open the door, clearing his throat.

“Look up there, Abed,” he said, plopping the papers down on the couch and rifling through them. “I think I see the ~cave of frozen memories~. A great place to-”

“It’s actually the cave of frozen peas,” said Abed as Duncan took off his glasses to rub his face in emotional pain. “It’s a common mistake. Don’t worry, Christmas wizard. I got this.”

“Terrific.” Duncan could barely conceal the rage in his voice.

“Abed,” said Shirley, “did you say my Christmas self was a baby? Are you sure you didn’t say I was a Christmas angel?  _ I think that must be what you said, right? _ Because you respect me too much to imagine me as a baby.”

“Jeez,” said Britta, exasperated, “maybe if you cry enough, he’ll change you.”

“Uh, you know why he said you were a robot, right?” Shirley asked.

“Because I’m progressive and kick ass.”

“How about heartless and godless?”

Britta was quiet.  _ I thought you were progressive now, SHIRLEY,  _ she thought,  _ although I have no idea why I believed it. Clearly you’re not capable of any actual change, ARE YOU, SHIRLEY? _

“I think he just gave us random identities, you guys” Annie said in a high voice, “I mean, me? A ballerina? It’s not like I’m that thin and graceful….right?”

“Annie,” Britta said, fully done, “it’s because you’re fragile and tightly wound.”

Annie gasped.

“Ladies,” said Abed, “cut the non-thematic chatter and keep your eyes on the prize. We’re looking for the meaning of Christmas.”

Shirley started to go off about Jesus but also accidentally revealed that they were in a therapy session. Duncan quickly “froze” her with his “magic wand” and “ejected her from planet Abed with a remote control Christmas pterodactyl.”

“Ooh!” exclaimed Troy. “Nice!”

“Now we’re talking,” said Pierce.

Shirley silently and angrily gathered up her things. She reached over to take the cookies too, but Pierce was faster. He grabbed the plate and clutched it to his chest until Shirley gave up and stalked out, trying to both be as silent and as loud as possible. During all of this, Abed was singing some kind of oompa loompa song about her.

Shirley slammed the door. 

“Everyone stay perfectly sincere,” continued Abed. “Humbugs are attracted to sarcasm.”

“Somewhere out there, Tim Burton just got a boner,” said Jeff. Sarcastically. 

“Jeff!” Annie yelled. “Don’t be sarcastic!”

“Oh no, are they on me now?” Jeff said, even more sarcastically. “Oh noooo.”

“They’re eating him alive,” said Troy, almost seeing it.

“If only he could find the power to not be a smug douche,” said Britta.

“Ah, no can do, I’m just a horrible guy, guess I’ll have to go get laiiiiid,” Jeff said, standing up and walking out of the room, even though actually, he did feel a little bit bad. But what, was he gonna act like he cared about this nonsense to his group? No way! They’d never let him hear the end of it.

“Ooh, can I do this one?” Annie asked after he’d left. She sang a frankly brilliant song, which I  _ will  _ share for once because I really like this song.

_ Bitter shallow hipster _

_ Sweater matching socks _

_ Christmas needs more presence _

_ Than a haircut in a box. _

Like damn, Annie, am I right? Save  _ that  _ one for your caroling!

Troy thought so too. “Annie, nice!” he said. He may have been sad, but he could still appreciate a good improvised song.

Britta was kind of pissed at the whole situation, though. This was all obviously careening towards nowhere and nothing. Abed was just seizing the reins and pulling them all in with him, and for no good reason. Not really. But she said nothing.

“This is carol canyon,” Abed continued as if nothing had happened (well, nothing really had, so be fair, but  _ he  _ certainly didn’t seem to think that). “Instead of oxygen, the plants produce Christmas songs.”

“Will it cost a lot to walk through here?” asked Pierce.

“No, no,” said Abed reassuringly, “it’s public domain.”

“You guys know Jesus was born in the middle of April, right?” Britta said, annoyed and done and reaching for downer facts. “The church moved his birthday to December so they could steal the solstice from the pagans.”

“Season’s greetings from Britta Perry,” Troy said, annoyed.

“Maybe you could sing a song about it, Britta,” Abed suggested.

Ha. Yeah right.

“I don’t sing. And if I did, I wouldn’t sing Christmas songs.” She was getting fed up. “I guess that means you’re gonna have me ejected from winter wonderland for not loving Christmas enough.”

“Nope,” he replied, “not for that.” Damn. “Let’s get to the cave of frozen memories.”

Duncan finally perked up from his slump in the corner. He stared at all of them expectantly to say something. Troy blinked and tried to think.

“Man,” he said, “it is cave-like in here.” Ah, well. Nobody could fault him for not trying.

“What do you mean, cave-like? It’s a cave,” said Pierce.

Duncan jumped off the couch now. “Nothing to be afraid of!” he said in an attempted cheerful tone that ended up sounding pretty desperate. “The cave of frozen memories is a safe place where we can observe suppressed experiences without being affected by them.”

“Can you show me how to do it?” Abed didn’t open his eyes, but he did turn his head directly at Duncan and then tilt it to the side. It was a bit creepy, to be honest.

“Sure!” Duncan huffed. “Here,” he waved his arms around, “I’m focusing on a part of the cave, and I’m seeing my tenth Christmas.” 

Abed goaded him into reliving this memory and Duncan started getting concernedly into it, actually reliving the bad experience of never knowing where his dad was, and moving to America with grandma, and then he ran out of the room crying.

Annie and Britta raised their eyebrows at each other really huge.

“He is good,” said Troy.

“We lost our wizard,” Annie said sadly.

“We don’t need him,” said Abed, unaffected, “never did. And nobody needs this cave.” 

Although, honestly, I’m not sure if he was right about that. “Initiate self-destruct,” he said.

“Self-destruct initiating,” he said, making his voice really high to sound like a lady robot.

“This slide goes directly to pine tree station,” he said, raising his voice a little, presumably because of the “noise” of the “cave collapsing”. “We can catch a train to the north pole from there.”

He held up a hand suddenly. “The wizard didn’t bring us here to find the meaning of Christmas. And I can’t have anyone going beyond this point that’s on his side.”

Troy didn’t even understand. He could never abandon his best friend, he could never not be on his side. Did that mean something dramatic? Maybe. Now wasn’t the time to think about it. “With you to the end, man. Always.” 

_ Maybe always could be their always. _ Was that book out yet at this point? 

Ah, who cares. You guys know what I’m talking about.

Annie reached across the table and held Abed’s outstretched hand and hoped that he was imagining her doing something similar.

“Like I said,” said Pierce, unaffected, “I’m just here for the cookies.” Speaking of which, he was still hoarding them all for himself.

Abed held out his hand again at Britta in a “stop” motion. As in, don’t go any further. As in, you’re next. As in, I’m about to sing an Oompa Loompa song about you. 

“I’m not ejecting you for your not liking Christmas music, Britta. I’m ejecting you for lying to trick me into therapy.”

“Abed,” said Britta, tears in her eyes, wishing to God (who didn’t exist anyway) that Abed would open his and  _ look  _ at her, “they will kick you out of school. I was trying to save you!”

His face didn’t change; he just started singing a sad song.

_ Britta-bot _

_ Programmed badly _

_ Wires with fraying ends _

_ Functioning _

_ Mad and sadly _

_ No faith in herself _

_ Or friends _

More tears formed in Britta’s eyes until she couldn’t stop them spilling out anymore. She had just been trying to help. But maybe he was right. Maybe Shirley had been right too. Maybe she was cold, emotionless, a bad friend, maybe no one even liked her. She stood up and walked out, trying her hardest not to sob.

Shirley was standing outside the room looking in.

“I thought you left,” Britta said, confusion cutting through her tears.

“I did, but then I felt bad.”

They stood in silence, even though Britta knew the tears on her face were super obvious.

“Shirley, does everyone hate me?” She hated this vulnerability. Absolutely hated it.

“Oh honey, what did he say to you?”

“Just the same thing you said earlier. That I’m a robot with no feelings who doesn’t care about anyone.” With this she started to cry in earnest.

Shirley’s expression softened into one Britta had never really seen her make before. “Britta, come here,” she said, opening her arms for a hug. Britta accepted, weird as this felt. Somehow, it really did help. 

Shirley was complicated, and the two of them didn't always get along so well, but clearly Shirley still cared about her. Maybe everyone else did too. 

“You know," said Shirley, "if you found Jesus, you-” she stopped as Britta started to loudly groan into her shoulder. “Sorry. Old habits.”

They just stood there hugging in the middle of the hallway for a while until they both suddenly realized how strange this was and pulled away. Britta gave Shirley a thankful look and smiled, her heart starting to mend itself. She hoped there was still a way to make this right. 

Pierce was coming towards the door and they both realized he would definitely not be able to get it open, and would probably yell at them no matter what they did, so Shirley opened the door for him.

“I’m not a handicapped!” Pierce yelled, immediately.

“Pierce, you’re literally in a wheelchair,” said Britta. “And you won’t be in another month, so why don’t you just let us help you now?”

Pierce made some kind of angry noise but said nothing, which, for him, was basically a huge thank you and admission of wrongdoing. They took it.

All three of them looked inside. It was going well, it looked like, but then Duncan came crashing back down the hallway from the direction of the dorms and burst into the room again, followed by a very angry Jeff, who stopped short of the door.

“Jeff, what the hell happened?” Britta asked him.

“That man is a complete idiot with more issues than I even realized, and that’s saying a lot,” said Jeff. “I  _ did _ try to stop him.”

Abed, Annie, Troy and Duncan were all yelling at each other, loudly enough for people to look in in confusion when they passed by, then roll their eyes when they saw what room, and what group of people, it was. Eventually, all of them except Abed left the room in various emotional states.

Duncan angrily stalked off for like the fourth time, but Troy and Annie were looking at each other all meaningfully.

“Guys, we figured it out!” Annie whispered excitedly. “It’s his mom! She always visits him on December 9th but not this year for some reason.”

“God, Annie, you sound chipper,” said Britta.

“Someone’s got to go in there and help him figure it out!” Annie said, ignoring Britta.

“I’ll do it,” said Pierce. Every single person opened their mouth to argue, but he was pressing his wheelchair against the slightly ajar door and whirring his way inside. They all stared in and tried to hear what Pierce and Abed were saying.

It looked like Abed was smiling for the first time in hours. Was Pierce actually doing a good job with this?

They were just talking. It seemed to be going really well.

“That’s  _ IT! _ ” Duncan screamed as he burst through the hallway  _ again.  _ “I have  _ had it  _ with this little asshole. I’m going to-”

Jeff grabbed him by the collar and glared at him. “No fucking way, you’ve done enough damage already.”

“Fuck off, Winger, I’m-”

“ _ Ian.”  _ Jeff pressed his face practically into Duncan’s, shoving him against the window. “Do not. Go in there.”

“Gay,” Britta whispered.

“Fuck you, Winger!” Duncan screamed, and like five people shushed him, since they were  _ in the library.  _ He shoved his way inside the room.

“It represents lack of payoff,” Abed was saying. 

“Correct,” said Duncan. Shirley pushed the door the rest of the way in and tilted her head to tell the others to go into the room too.

Annie and Troy smiled at each other and stepped in confidently in tandem.

Jeff had fire in his eyes, and also stepped inside.

“Come on, Britta,” Shirley whispered. “We can’t do this without you.”

Britta’s heart practically broke at this. She tried to go inside as confidently as the others.

Duncan was holding a Christmas card. He opened it and started reading it furiously.

“ _ Abed, I can’t make it this year. I have a new family now. You’ll meet them one day. You’re a man now. Take care of Dad. Wash your dupa.  _

Mommy’s moved on. New family. New life.” 

Abed was beginning to go completely motionless. 

“There’s nothing to do left now but heal. And share the information with as many reputable journals as possible.”

Everyone stood in shock, staring at the scene that was unfolding in front of them. It was horrible. Abed was just  _ sitting  _ there. His eyes were glazed over. Ian Duncan had a terrible grin on his face and was clutching the card like he’d won or something. But now they understood. Now everyone did.

Somehow they all came to the same conclusion: sometimes, when some asshole is trying to take advantage of and emotionally scar your friend who’s just found out his mom is abandoning him for her new family, you just have to stop said asshole by shooting imaginary Christmas-themed weapons at him while singing an improvised song about the meaning of Christmas until he gives up and leaves for the sixth time.

So that’s exactly what all of them did.

And because life is kinda just whatever, it actually worked.

“I get it,” said Abed. “The meaning of Christmas is…. The idea that Christmas has meaning.” He opened his eyes and looked at all of his friends standing there, for him, because they- loved him? Could it be?

“And it can mean whatever we want,” he continued. “For me, it used to mean being with my mom. Now it means being with you guys.”

Troy was about to scream with relief. Selfish as it probably was, he was so glad it wasn’t him that had caused this. Maybe that meant there was still a chance to make everything right.

“Thanks, Lost,” said Abed, who was holding a Lost DVD for some reason.

Everyone gathered around to hug him.

“I feel so much better now,” he said, “I guess we don’t need to be stop-motion anymore.”

Britta flexed and unflexed her hands, letting go of her gut feelings for a second. “Well, why not just keep it going for the rest of Christmas? It just feels so right.”

Everyone smiled and nodded. Nothing actually changed, but that was alright. If their dumbass of a Dean was going to try to throw Abed out of school after this, he had all the rest of them to go through first.

Everyone went home a few hours later with the spirit of Christmas, and whatever that meant to them, in their hearts. They weren’t actually animated, but that was alright. It’s the thought that counts.


	7. Falafel as a metaphor for love i guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas break

There were several days of radio silence. Troy sat in his room within Pierce’s huge, creepy mansion, playing video games, and trying not to think about anything at all. Pierce kept ordering pizza for like every meal and somehow Troy was actually getting sick of it. Sick of  _ pizza _ ! 

He missed his best friend. They had all had their group moment, and Troy had been exhausted and hadn’t stuck around to talk to anyone. So he still had no idea where he and Abed stood, not really. 

It was deep into the fourth day of this that his phone lit up with a text. He paused his game and checked it with a sigh. It was him!

-I am begging you to come to my restaurant. I feel like han solo frozen in the carbonite. I hope you like falafel-

Troy’s heart leapt.

-I’ve never had it- he replied.

-come try it then. Dads making me work over the break because all his employees are home for vacation. It’s good if you haven’t been eating it two or three times a week for your whole life. I assume-

-iv been eating only pizza for a week so yeah- he sent, then typed out something else he forgot. -whats the address-

There was a minute of nothing, and then a message with an address a few miles away. Troy didn’t have a car, so he’d have to convince Pierce to let him borrow his. But he probably would. Pierce couldn’t drive right now anyway because of his injury.

Troy walked to Pierce’s wing of the house and yelled, “can I use your car?”

“No!”

“.....please?”

“Why do you want it?” Pierce sounded like he was waking up. It was 3 PM. Was he going senile already, or was he just that lazy?

“I’m going to get food!”

“Oh, alright, see you later!”

Troy went out, grabbing the keys on the way, and got into the old car. He put the address into the GPS and drove. He’d never really been to this part of town before. It wasn’t quite downtown, instead a couple streets over from Main Street. There were still lots of restaurants, but none he’d been to. Except that one Chinese place on the corner. He’d been there like twice when he was a kid.

There was the falafel restaurant. He could see the outline of a person inside who really must have been Abed; no one else was that skinny.

He parked, paid the meter, and ducked inside, his heart racing.

“Hi, Troy,” Abed said, his voice much softer than usual. “I hate to admit it but I missed you a lot.” He was wearing an apron and a hair net. It was not a good look for him.

“You hate to admit it?” Troy asked, his voice wavering a little.

“I’m still mad at you”, said Abed but he was wiggling his eyebrows a little so like, how mad could he be. 

But wait, actually, why wasn’t he?

“I’m sorry for- um, just everything. I don’t know.” Troy breathed to say more but he was interrupted.

“Abed!” there was a voice yelling from the back. A man’s voice. He started yelling in a language Troy didn’t know.

“It’s my friend from school, Dad!” Abed yelled back.

“You? Friends? I’m shocked!” A door slammed.

“Sorry, my dad’s been in a really bad mood ever since mom sent me that letter. She sent him one too. I don’t know what it said, but he’s been angrier than usual ever since.”

“It’s fine.” Troy stared down at the vegetables and meats under the counter. “I think-” his heart absolutely pounded- “I think I want that one.” He pointed.

“Don’t get that one. Dad made it hours ago. It’s been slow today.”

“Okay, how about the chicken, then?” Troy pointed.

“It’s extremely spicy, is that okay?”

“You know me,” Troy laughed, “I love spicy. Just water it down with lettuce.”

Troy stared down at his friend’s hands as they assembled the pita pocket, and he didn’t even breathe, not really.

Someone else walked in and stood behind him in line and he took a deep breath.

“Pickles?” Abed asked.

“Just make it like you would make one for yourself. I’ve never had this kind of food before.”

He didn’t put any pickles.

“I’m giving you the friends and family discount,” Abed said as he punched the keys on the machine.

“Which am I?” Troy asked without thinking, and immediately regretted it.

Abed swallowed audibly and said nothing.

“Here you go. I’ll go on break after this guy. I hope you like it.”

“Thanks.”

This was what they had been reduced to. Pleasantries. It hurt like something hard you aren’t supposed to swallow, sitting heavy in the bottom of your stomach.

The sandwich was delicious. It tasted so much better after days and days of pizza and cereal and nothing more. It tasted like something sustainable. Not the environmental kind of sustainable. The kind where you feel like you could keep eating this a lot more times and continue to feel like it had some sort of nutritional value. You know, like if you eat something really healthy but it also tastes good and you’re like  _ this is the perfect food for me because I’m not gonna feel like shit after but I still enjoyed the experience. Not like that cardboard cereal that nobody likes but they keep eating out of some delusion that it will make them a better person or something.  _

“I’m kinda curious to see how it tastes to an outsider,” Abed said, sitting down at the table across from Troy.

“An outsider?”

“Someone not in the family.” Well, there was the answer to  _ that.  _

“It’s really good. It tastes like something I could keep eating and not get tired of.”

“Trust me,” said Abed, “you  _ can _ get tired of it.”

“Thanks for making it for me,” said Troy, looking up for the first time.

“It’s my job,” Abed said darkly.

“Yeah, but you picked out everything for me. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I just made what I always make myself,” he said. “But I still prefer buttered noodles any day.”

What the hell were they doing? This conversation  _ sucked.  _ They always talked about random crazy shit that made no sense, but now they were talking about what- normal person stuff? It was the kind of conversation Troy had with the other football players every single day in high school and had gotten incredibly sick of.

“I’ve had so much time to think, but I didn’t actually use any of the time to think.” Troy said after a long silence. “I’ve just been trying not to think about anything at all. But I miss you, Abed. You make my life so much more interesting. I don’t want to lose that.”

“.....and you’re completely sure you just like me as a friend, right?” Abed asked in practically a whisper so the one other customer wouldn’t hear.

Troy sighed heavily.

“No. No, I’m not sure. And that really scares me! But would you keep being my friend while I try to figure it out?” 

Abed opened his mouth to answer, and Troy felt the seconds stretch to infinity as he waited to hear the reply.

The door dinged, and a lady walked in. Abed’s eyes got huge and he jumped up to help her. Troy put his head in his hands and laid it down on the table and waited while the woman placed the most complicated order known to man.

And he waited.

And waited.

“Yes.”

Troy almost felt like kissing him right then and there. Huh. Maybe that meant something. But then again, maybe not. 

He kept chewing his sandwich, but he was smiling now. Abed hadn't been kidding, this chicken was spicy as hell. 

"I get off work in an hour and a half. Do you want to go upstairs to my place after? No extra expectations. We can just watch TV. I got a limited edition Kickpuncher movie for Christmas, we can watch that."

"Which edition?" Troy's face lit up. 

"It's only supposed to be available in France. I have no idea how my aunt got it, but she did."

"Yes!" Troy exclaimed. "I can't wait!"

He didn't want to wait either. All there was to do now was sit in the seat and watch the news on TV. 

"Can I change the channel?"

"No, dad won't let us touch it, sorry. I changed it to stuff he didn't like too many times so he made a rule."

Well anyway, there was still a sandwich to finish. Abed stood up and started wiping down the tables. When he finished he disappeared into the back room and said a bunch of stuff to his dad in another language. Arabic, Troy thought, but wasn't sure.

"Dad said he'd take over for me since you're here. Let's go!"

"Wait," Troy realized, "the meter."

"Oh, you can park in the back of the restaurant. We have our own lot."

So he did, and they walked upstairs together, not holding hands or gazing into each other's eyes or linking arms or anything of the sort. 

They settled in to watch kickpuncher on the little TV in Abed's room. They ended up sitting next to each other on the bed, a foot apart. 

They immediately started cracking jokes and it felt just like old times. They both felt incredibly relieved about this. Eventually they moved in closer and closer together until Troy put his head on Abed's shoulder, neither of them saying anything. 

He almost fell asleep like this, despite the loud action of the movie, and honestly would have if not for a loud and sudden knock on the door. 

"Son, it's a rush, I need you."

"You need to hire more people, dad!" Abed yelled, turning off the TV and gently pushing Troy off him. 

"It's Christmas break. They all went home."

"This town has too many college students," Troy muttered, still half asleep. 

"Do you want to go home or stay here?"

"I want to stay, but when are you off?"

"Probably an hour."

"Okay," said Troy, falling asleep like three seconds later. He had a dream about getting lost in Pierce's house and then before he knew it the bed shifted with the weight of someone getting on it. 

"Mpgh."

"Your sleep schedule is gonna be very messed up if you keep sleeping."

" _ Your  _ sleep schedule is gonna be messed up if you keep sleeping."

"I'm not sleeping, Troy."

" _ I'm  _ not sleeping."

"I'm getting concerned."

"I'm fine," Troy said, sitting up suddenly. "I'm good. Play the movie."

So they watched the rest of the movie. Eventually Troy couldn't ignore the feelings that had been slowly rising in his chest for weeks now. 

They sat on the bed in silence, the movie over. Troy took a deep breath. And then another. And then half of a third deep breath until he blurted it out. 

"I really want to kiss you right now but I'm so afraid because I don't know exactly why, or if my motivations are pure, because like I said I still don't know if I like you for sure or even exactly how I fee-"

Okay, why do you _ think  _ his talking got cut off right there? Come on. 

The kiss (yeah) felt better this time, because they were sober and because it was a bit more on purpose. It lasted a while, but then Abed pulled away. 

"I'm so nervous about my dad."

"Do you want to go to Pierce's?"

Abed looked momentarily mystified before he remembered that Troy was living with Pierce. "Yeah. Let me just talk to my dad." He went away and came back a few minutes later. "let's go."

Troy smiled and felt like the sun was shining on his face. He hadn't felt this happy in a very long time. 


	8. CONTENT WARNING BABES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have sex and attempt to imagine the future

They drove back to Pierce's place and went inside as quietly as possible. It took an annoyingly long time to get to Troy's room from the door, but they did eventually. 

"Okay, are you sure about this? Like I said I'm still not sure, I might realize I don't love you or something…" although the more Troy said it the less true it sounded. 

"I don't mind. I know you love me in other ways."

"Okay, good." He grinned. He pushed Abed against the now closed door and kissed him deeply and felt almost like crying, but he didn’t want to do that, because what was he, gay?

Wait.

Wait, fuck that! Fuck all that crap! He was literally kissing a boy right this second, none of that mattered anymore! He laughed and didn’t care, and he did cry a little, and for once he didn't feel bad about it at all.

"How's this?" Troy asked after a while, worried his kissing skills were not good. 

"Shut up." Abed reached behind Troy's head and pushed their faces closer together, stepping forward several steps until they were both over the bed. They both kept going until they fell over, turning to the side so they wouldn't smash their skulls together and die. But they still weren't really fully on the bed. 

They made out for a while longer until both paused. 

"Do you wanna….do butt stuff?" Troy asked with all the refinement such a question entailed. 

"That depends."

"Oh, I meant you do it to me. I've always wanted to do that but all the girls I dated in the past were weirded out by it. I don't know why."

"Okay. Cool."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm really excited to do it, I just forgot to have a tone of voice."

Troy laughed. "Okay, I have some stuff in the bedside table."

“Stuff?”

“I’m a man, with needs, you know what I mean…”

Oh. That kind of stuff.

So Abed reached in and put a condom on, fumbling because it had been a long time, and lube too. And then they fucked on the bed. Or maybe you would say made love, but the factor of love in this was a little unclear on one side.

Troy had never gotten fucked in the ass before, and was mad he'd missed out all this time. It felt amazing. It was even better for being with Abed.

And when he reached around and grabbed Troy's cock with those long thin hands and started jerking him off at the same time it was too much. Troy came after like one minute. He collapsed onto the bed and laughed.

"Oh, damn, that was too fast!” Troy breathed. “You didn't finish, did you?"

"No. What do you want to do about it?"

Troy sat up and eyed his best friend- boyfriend? Nah, not now. Not yet- up and down. He had taken some of his clothes off but not all the way. 

"What do  _ you _ want to do?" He asked, pulling at Abed's flannel sleeve until it came off. 

"I've never had my dick sucked so if we're doing things we've never done that's sort of the logical next step," said Abed. 

"I've never sucked a dick before, but I guess you just did something for the first time too, right?"

"What?"

"You know, what's it called, anal?"

"Actually," Abed said, raising an eyebrow and saying nothing further. 

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, there was a guy, last year."

"We were  _ friends  _ last year, when did this happen? And why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I would have had to come out to you if I told you. And it was just a one-time thing with a guy I went on a couple dates with. He was nice but I think he thought I was weird because he didn't call me back after we had sex."

"Jesus, Abed, I'm sorry."

"It happens."

"Oh no," Troy realized, "you're going soft. We spent too much time talking."

"Oh NO, WHAT can we do?"

Troy stood up and took the rest of his clothes off. "let's take a shower. No offense but I don't want to suck your dick right now, it was just in my butt and that's nasty." He laughed at himself. 

So they both turned on the shower because thankfully Troy's room was actually a suite. Perks of having a rich friend. 

They both got in at the same time and started making out again as Troy reached down to rub soap on Abed’s cock, and then Abed started making some kind of moaning sounds that Troy had  _ never  _ heard him make before, and was about to reach down with his other hand and jerk himself off too before he remembered the reason they'd even gotten in the shower in the first place and knelt down. 

Troy had had several girls suck his dick before but he'd never paid that much attention to specifically what they were doing, and he'd watched porn but he suspected the way they did it in porn wasn't that realistic. So he did his best. He tried to do that thing where he hollowed his cheeks and used his tongue to swirl around, something he had seen in porn and had always imagined would feel good. Maybe that's what Jenna had been doing that one time? He couldn't remember.

Apparently his best was more than good enough because Abed started making more sounds, higher in pitch than Troy had been expecting. But unfortunately Troy was continually insecure, and pulled his mouth away after a minute. 

"How does it feel? Is it okay?"

"Why did you stop?" Abed moaned, completely undone. "please don't stop."

So he didn't. Eventually they both finished again because Troy started to jerk himself off at the same time. He turned off the shower and picked Abed up and carried him bridal-style back into the bedroom. 

"I love you,"said Abed. "sorry if that makes things harder for you."

"I think I love you too." Troy said. "Does that mean we're like-boyfriends?"

They both lay down on the bed and started up at the ceiling. 

"I guess so."

They both said nothing for a long time. 

"It doesn't feel right to me," said Troy. "it feels so final."

"And so normal."

"Yeah!" Troy exclaimed, sitting up. "why do we have to play by the regular rules?"

Abed sat up too and stared Troy right in the face with a sparkle in his eyes. "we don't. We're Troy and Abed, and that won't change no matter what else we call ourselves."

"So let's just keep calling ourselves that," said Troy, "and it can mean whatever we want it to mean. Wait, what do we want it to mean?"

"It doesn't matter!”Abed yelled. “I love you. I love you. As long as I can keep saying that I don't care about the rest of it."

They kissed again. You can imagine it however you like. 


	9. WHY weren’t you at elf practice?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troy and Abed watch a movie at Pierce's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the hiatus! This was a completely new chapter that I inserted into the middle of the story, and it took way longer to finish than I was expecting. We should be back to regular update schedule after this. Hope you enjoy! (Also thanks everyone very much for the support, this is the biggest and most time consuming fic I've ever done, and it's totally by myself, so I appreciate all the love.)

Abed went home after that, and Troy fell asleep pretty quickly. It had been a while since he'd had sex with anyone, much as he was loath to admit it. It all felt different when it was with Abed. 

"I love him," Troy whispered to himself, and then exhaustion dragged him to sleep. 

Abed hadn’t wanted to go home and wished he could just stay but he knew his dad would have a lot of questions he'd have no idea how to answer if he didn't get back soon. But Troy seemed incredibly sleepy so it was probably fine. 

He pulled into the driveway and said nothing as he walked up the stairs again, by himself this time, crashed onto his bed and went to sleep with a smile. 

-you should come over again-

Troy blinked his eyes open. What time was it?

Jesus, it was almost noon. He hadn’t meant to sleep in so late. He’d been woken up by a text, so he grabbed his phone off the nightstand and opened it. It was a text from Abed.

It was almost noon. Troy couldn’t possibly still be asleep, right? Then again, it was Christmas break. Nobody had anywhere to be. Especially because it was a weekday and Abed didn’t have to work at the stupid restaurant today because it wasn’t busy on weekdays. Although it was almost the lunch rush. Maybe he should leave so he’d be nowhere around if his dad needed someone to fill in.

The only problem was, he didn’t have a car. Still, the thought of standing behind a counter, serving the same ten regulars their falafel orders for hours on end compelled him outside, right after grabbing something out of his bedside table. 

Luckily, his father was nowhere to be found.

-Never mind I’m coming to you.-

Troy still hadn’t replied.

He walked. This town was so sleepy during the holidays. He was glad; nobody was going to bother him. Pierce’s house was only like a mile away, it wasn’t that long of a walk. 

Okay, remember that one scene in Pride and Prejudice where Lizzie walks for like three miles in the rain just because? It was something like that, except this day was overcast but not explicitly precipiationy. 

-You’re coming to me? I thought you didn’t have a car-

-I don’t. I’m walking.-

-Abed why-

-I felt like walking-

The air bit at his face, but not too badly. It was noon, after all. And it was only December. The town was nearly empty due to the fact that it was Christmas break and all the students were gone. There were still a good number of townspeople, but they were probably all with their own families far away too. 

This place wasn’t somewhere people put down roots. Abed knew that better than anyone. As soon as he graduated, he was getting out of here. He didn’t think about what that would mean for all the relationships he’d been building over the past couple years. Especially not the relationship with the one person whose house he was braving the cold and dreary day just to see. Nope. No thoughts about that at all.

It was almost enough to make him reconsider his entire life’s plan. But not quite enough, at least not until more time had passed and things were a whole lot less fuzzy.

He puposefully thought about Star Wars the whole rest of the walk and by the time he finally got to Pierce’s haunted mansion he felt better.

"Oh, you're here," said Troy. "I thought maybe I should come get you but-"

"No need," said Abed. "it's a better narrative flow this way anyway."

Troy opened the door and stepped aside to let Abed in. "why?"

"It shows that I care enough to walk just to get here."

Troy considered this. "What does that say about me, then, if I just sat here while you walked?"

"We'll just have to wait and see," said Abed. "I brought a movie." He fished it out of his bag. It was Rudolph. 

"I'm a little embarrassed because this has such a high level of sentimental value for me, so this is an emotionally raw moment."

Troy did his best not to gasp. "isn't that the movie your mom always watches with you?"

"Watched. She's been written off the show. I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay, let's watch it, then. My mom never let me watch any Christmas movies, being a Jehovah's witness and all."

"Okay, but fair warning, I'm going to be talking through the whole thing. It's our-" he took a deep breath. "it's my tradition."

"It's also  _ our _ tradition," Troy pointed out. 

Abed smiled. "let's go to your room."

"Who's here?" It was Pierce, distantly. 

"Abed!" Troy yelled. 

"Ok," said Pierce. 

They exchanged a look. 

"Do you want popcorn? Pierce has a huge jar, he won't notice a little bit being gone."

"Can I make it the way my mom used to?"

"Ooh, did she make it a special way?"

"Yeah," said Abed. "she would always dump in paprika. My dad always complained when she did that but then he'd eat it anyway."

"I don't know if Pierce has paprika," said Troy sadly. "he's a basic old white man. But you can look."

They both looked, and couldn't find any. 

"Want to go to the store?" asked Troy. 

"It's ok."

"All right, but if we are making this a thing, let's make it a thing. We can buy chips and candy at the store."

"But we're watching one movie."

"Fine," said Troy, "but you gotta make me paprika popcorn another time."

"How about when we go back to school?"

"Deal," said Troy, and they- you know! The thing! The not-handshake handshake. It's not like I can exactly Google the name of it. 

There was actually a giant bag of chips in the pantry already, and some chocolate bars. They both got to work making a lot more snacks than could possibly be eaten over the course of a movie as short as the famous animated Rankin Bass children's television Christmas special Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, which was only like, half an hour long. 

“Okay, let’s watch it in my room, because anywhere else in this place would feel weird.” Troy shuddered as he looked around.

“Agreed. I think this house might literally be haunted, which is not going to fit well with the fact that we’re about to have a heartwarming moment.”

“Aww, Abed, I’m glad you think so!”

“Don’t say anything dumb until we get to your room, okay? I don’t want to tempt fate.”

Ouch, thought Troy, but he didn’t say that in case it counted as dumb. They went up the stairs. Abed grabbed onto Troy’s arm, not because he was actually scared, but because that was the sort of thing he could do now without having to make excuses for it.

“Are you scared?” Troy asked.

“Yes.”

They got to Troy’s room at long last, and Troy slammed the door closed.

“There’s this creepy-ass doll outside my room that Pierce put there to freak me out. I’m used to the rest of his house being terrifying but that thing-”

“This really feels like tempting fate, you know. We haven’t even put the movie in.”

“All right, fine! Put the movie in, then!”

They put down the snacks they’d been carrying.

“Putting in the movie should change the genre.”

“It better! You got in my head, Abed, I’m all scared now!”

They grabbed onto each other again. They made eye contact and Abed wiggled his eyebrows.

“Abed?”

“Yes, Troy?”

“Please put the movie in.”

“Cool,” said Abed, disentangling himself. The DVD was in his bag, and he fumbled with the case for a minute before placing the DVD into the slot. The TV flicked to life while he did this. He sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up the bowl of popcorn in one fluid motion. “Cool cool cool.”

Troy pressed play. The familiar music started, and they both relaxed. Everything was Christmas-themed now. They were safe.

The elves’ antics made Troy scream with laughter, especially when the head elf started losing his entire mind over Herbie missing elf practice. This was Abed’s favorite part too, and he recited the lines under his breath. Troy made them replay the scene like three times until they were both loudly reciting to each other. There was a loud groan from elsewhere in the house, which was either Pierce or a ghost. But this was fun and cute Christmas time, so it was clearly Pierce.

The popcorn was good. Usually Abed’s mom overdid it on the paprika to the point where you were half coughing every time you took a bite just from the sheer powderiness of it all, so maybe plain butter and salt popcorn had its place too.

By the time the movie was over, there were still about half the snacks left, so they tore into the rest of the snacks and put on the other side of the DVD, which was Little Drummer Boy, a much less funny or interesting TV special by the same company that they didn’t really pay attention to and talked over. 

It was nice. Especially the Snickers bars. Turned out he loved Snickers, though he’d never actually tried them before.

When the other movie was over, their stomachs were completely full of junk, so they shoved the trash from the snacks onto the floor and both lay back and fell asleep. When they woke up a couple hours later, Troy gave Abed a ride home and they kissed before he got out of the car. 

As it turned out, Christmas time could continue to be about making new memories instead of clinging to the old ones. It was very freeing.


	10. Oh my god just fucking say whats on your mind every one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry!? This was literally pre-written but the time totally got away from me and I kept putting off posting it. It's based on an episode that I didn't love and that felt more like filler than anything else so I hope it's all right. I'm probably being too self-deprecating but if you made it this far then I hope you'll forgive me for it. Here y'all go.

They spent the rest of the break in their own places, but still seeing each other every couple of

days. Sometimes they had sex again, sometimes they just sat and watched TV or had weird conversations that would make absolutely no sense to anyone besides them. They ended up deciding that they really did want things to be the same as before, only with sex involved now. But no set-aside dates, no labels of the typical sort, no expectations of something else down the line unless they wanted to in the future. They were best friends, and they were in love with each other, in that order. The two things could coexist. 

Abed spent his time working, working, watching TV, and eating falafel. Troy spent his time playing video games, exploring Pierce's huge and creepy mansion, and eating falafel.

Troy still wasn't sick of it. 

At one point Pierce asked Troy to get something out of a wardrobe in his bedroom (yeah, that’s as weird as it sounds) and Troy was like “WARDROBE?” and immediately started looking in all the other wardrobes in the house in case they led to Narnia. He didn’t really believe they would. But like, why not be sure, right? The books had been his favorite as a kid, and one of the few fantasy stories his mom would let him read, because they were technically about Jesus and therefore not blasphemous or whatever.

But all things that hang in a delicate balance must eventually return to Earth, and soon enough

classes started up again and the spell was broken. 

They came back to school to the revelation that two new relationships had started- or at least, were in motion. Annie liked the guy Jeff hated (Rich, who was basically the same person as Jeff minus the cynicism), and Shirley got back together with her terrible ex-husband Andre. Fuck that guy.

Troy accidentally told Pierce that Chang and Shirley slept together on halloween (long story that, if you are reading this, you honestly probably already know). (Yeah, I break the fourth wall sometimes. It’s a Community fic, hello). 

It turned out that Shirley was pregnant. Troy tried to figure out if Shirley was pregnant with Chang’s kid or with Andre’s, using all the finesse that it required, brilliantly questioning Andre until he cracked.

Um, just kidding. He ended up sounding weird and creepy, and then nearly forgetting about the whole thing after Rich brought ungodly amounts of kettle corn to their meeting. The meeting which was actually just a competition between Jeff and Annie to decide whether or not they should add Rich to the group. But if their competition meant about seven bags of homemade kettle corn, so be it, right?

Jeff gave a rousing and slightly horrifying speech to convince everyone that putting Chang in the group was a better idea than putting Rich in it (and to be honest, it was convincing, but delicious sweet popcorn was real convincing too). Pierce loudly told everyone the secret about how Shirley had slept with Chang on the night no one could remember, because Shirley had voted for Chang to be put in the group, and because Pierce was an asshole, and it caused some very predictable problems in Shirley’s already very fractured relationship with Andre. Andre walked out and Shirley followed, trying to reason with him, but he didn’t turn back and didn’t say anything. 

Annie was following Rich, and it seemed like she was having better luck reasoning with him than Shirley was with Andre. Pierce walked out too, following Rich and whining about kettle corn.

Britta stared at the only people left in the study room- Troy, Abed, and Jeff; and they weren’t doing shit. They were just sitting there staring at the doorway. Britta rolled her eyes and followed Shirley and Andre.

“Shirley!” She could just see her friend at the end of the hallway. “Shirley, are you all right?”

“No, Britta, what does it look like!?” Shirley turned around with an intense glare. “I’m going to kill Pierce.”

Britta jogged to catch up with Shirley, who had stopped running.

“I don’t know what to say,” said Britta breathlessly.

There were tears in Shirley’s eyes, and her shoulders were almost shaking.

“So I’m just gonna give you a hug, okay?” Britta said. Shirley nodded and opened her arms a bit defeatedly. Britta pulled Shirley close and it wasn’t as weird as last time. 

She wasn’t used to being needed like this by people. Everyone in her past had been so tough, or at least always pretended to be. And Shirley was tough as hell too! But everyone needs a friend to be strong for them sometimes.

“Shirley, I’m so sorry,” Britta said, knowing better than to add details. 

“I know you all hate him, but I love him!” Shirley was really crying now. “I really do! I don’t wanna lose him over something I can’t even remember!”

Britta blinked. “Shirley,” she said, pulling the two of them apart. “I have always admired how strong and self-assured you are. It hurts me to see you this way. You can get through this. I know you can.”

Shirley looked down at the ground. “I would do anything to make this work,” she said darkly. “I need to sit down.”

“Okay, let’s find you a seat! There’s more back in the part of the library we came from,” Britta said, taking her arm. “Let’s get you one of those.”

Shirley sniffled and did her best not to cry again as Britta led her to a couch in the stacks of books.

“Britta,” said Shirley, “Thank you.”

“Um, anytime!” said Britta, her voice wavering a little. “You know, women have to look out for each other, or else who’s going to?”

Shirley actually smiled then. “You know, I never thought I’d say this, but you’re completely right.”

“You never thought you’d say that?”

“Okay, I’m going to be just fine!” Shirley said, a shrillness slipping into her tone. “Thank you again!”

_ Yikes,  _ thought Britta, but she gave Shirley the benefit of the doubt given what had just gone down. She looked over at the study room, which was directly across from where they were now sitting. Jeff was gone. Troy and Abed were talking. It looked a bit heated. She resisted the sudden urge to eavesdrop and rushed off to find Jeff.

All right, let’s rewind a bit, shall we? Remember when everyone was leaving the room after Pierce’s disaster of a revelation? Let’s go back to that moment. 

Jeff took off a few moments after Britta did, to take a breather in the bathroom, which left just Troy and Abed in the room. They stared out the door and collected their thoughts.

“Are we going to tell people?”

There was a long silence.

“I don’t know, Abed.”

“I want to tell people. I’m sick of keeping secrets.”

“This is a secret I’ve been keeping for like two weeks,”said Troy. “I’m not sick of it at all.”

“Fine.” Abed didn’t sound that fine. “Why did you vote for Rich?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I like popcorn. Why’d you vote for Chang?”

“Jeff was very convincing.”

“Not as convincing as this sweet and salty combo,” Troy smiled. “Maybe Rich  _ is _ a murderer, but as long as he gives me some of this popcorn before he murders me, I’m happy.”

There was another long silence.

“I told Pierce about Chang and Shirley,” said Troy. “I didn’t mean to, it just slipped out.”

“I wonder why they had sex in the first place. We’ll never know, because none of us remember that party. Do you think maybe we were all mind wiped by the military because we were exposed to some kind of government secrets?”

“Abed come on, this is serious.”

“So am I.”

“You can’t  _ actually  _ believe that’s true. You know, not everything is like TV and movies! Some things really hurt real people!”

“Okay, but think about it.”

Troy thought about it. “All right, maybe that is what happened, but that’s beside the point. Shirley might be having Chang’s baby.” He shuddered. “Can you imagine?”

“Thankfully, I’m physically not capable of that.”

"Imagining?"

"Having Chang's baby." Abed explained.

“Oh. Yeah, thank God.”

“I just don’t understand why you don’t want to tell everyone about what happened over the break,” said Abed suddenly. “These are our friends. They love us.”

“I shouldn’t have to have a reason!” Troy exclaimed. “I don’t want to! I thought we were moving on! Besides, nothing really changed between us at all, we just had sex a couple times. So what?”

“You said it was different than that.”

“No I didn’t! I specifically didn’t! You said that was okay!” Troy felt his voice growing louder and louder and tried to stop this from happening, but wasn’t exactly successful.

“I guess I just misread how you were feeling. A lot of times.”

“I guess so.” As soon as Troy said it he wanted to punch himself. He turned and almost said something more, but then just let out a breath.

Troy turned away and accidentally met eyes with Britta, who was sitting in the library next to a very upset Shirley. His heart didn’t even skip a beat, it just did some kind of weird gymnastics routine that did not land.

“I just need time to figure out what’s even going on in my brain,” Troy blurted out.

Abed breathed, in and out, and squeezed his eyes shut. “I understand. It’s different now that everyone’s here with us.” He picked up his bag and walked out the back door.

Troy took a deep breath and tried to catch Britta’s eye again, but she was gone. Shirley wasn’t gone, though. Troy went out the front door of the study room and sat down next to her.

“Hey honey,” she said as she felt his weight sink into the couch.

“Hey, Shirley,” said Troy. “I’m so sorry about what happened.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said weakly. “It’s  _ Pierce’s  _ fault. I’m so mad.”

“So you would have rather not known about it at all?” Troy sighed in relief.

“Oh no, I’m glad I know.” Well, shit. “I just would have liked to find out about it differently.”

Troy’s eyes got huge. Technically then, if they were keeping score, it  _ was  _ his fault. He’d been the one who had gotten the voice message from Chang in the first place, so he should have just told Shirley directly rather than telling Pierce and letting Pierce blurt it out.

Troy said none of this as he put his head on her shoulder in what he hoped was a son-ly way. Not that he was her son or anything.

Britta opened the door as she saw Annie walk out of the men’s room all angrily, and there was only one thing that could mean. Jeff was in there. She opened the door, finding that she’d been right.

“There you are!” she exclaimed. 

“Did I walk into the wrong bathroom?”

“You have to find Andre and talk to him,” Britta said, ignoring that comment. “Shirley is devastated.”

“Since when do you want him in her life?” Jeff asked, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not a fan of the guy,” she said, “But I am a fan of Shirley, and this is what she wants.”

Jeff sighed and shot Britta an angry look, but he left the bathroom, presumably to go talk to Shirley.

All right, good, thought Britta.

She walked back to where Shirley was, and Troy was sitting next to her. 

Britta bit her lip. She wasn’t supposed to know what was going on with Troy, but she did, and- it made everything so much more awkward than before. She slowly backed away and tried not to be noticed at all. Besides, Shirley looked fine. She had Troy there to comfort her.

Britta just sat down again in the study room and tried to study for once. It didn’t really work, but at least it was some kind of distraction.

Abed was just about to go back to his dorm when his phone vibrated. It was a text from Annie.

-Im about to ask out Rich but im so nervous about it-

-don’t be nervous. He may be a murderer but he still seems like a great guy-

-oh stop-

-sorry. But really. What do you have to lose-

-youre right. Ok. wish me luck-

\- <3-

There were several minutes of silence before she texted again-

-He said no. he said i was “great but too young”, which i guess makes sense but aaaaaaaa-

-are you ok?-

-i will be-

-im sorry annie-

-whatever…..-

He kept walking until he got to the exit to the building he was in. Jeff was standing there in the rain looking contemplative. Abed told him what Annie had texted. 

Jeff suddenly ran away, and Abed was confused, but shrugged it off. He waited for the rain to die down a bit and then walked back to his dorm.

Back in the study room Britta was still sitting attempting to do homework. Eventually Pierce came back, and she actually tried to strike up a conversation with him just so she wouldn’t have to study anymore, and then Troy and Shirley went back into the room too. They all sat in silence and tried to find words to say (but one by one they all just faded away! Eh? Eh??).

Eventually Andre came back and told Shirley he wasn’t mad, and she almost started sobbing all over again. They left, hand in hand, and they seemed genuinely happy.

Britta really wanted to talk to Troy, but she had no idea what to say. Troy really wanted to talk to Britta, but Pierce was still just sitting there, completely oblivious, and rambling about cheese whiz or something. So they just made meaningful and confusing eye contact and walked out in opposite directions to go home.


	11. Troy and Abed and Rich and Not Jeff in the Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troy and Abed have Jeff and Rich on their show. Annie is having a bad day.

-wanna do our morning show again?-  
-i thought you were mad at me-  
-no not really. -  
Abed shouldn't be mad, when he thought about it. It didn't make sense for him to be mad, and it wasn't entirely fair, since they had talked everything over already. But he still kinda was. Still, he wasn't mad enough to stop hanging out. He was fine. Everything was fine.   
Right?  
Why was it that this kind of thing only confused him when it came to Troy? Normally Abed understood himself so well.   
After a minute there was another text.   
-we should get rich to come on and make his popcorn!-  
-cool cool cool-  
-ill call him right now :)-  
So they did. It was great! He was an awesome guest and continued to be a ridiculously, suspiciously (?) great guy. They sang their morning show jingle with huge smiles on their faces, smiles that were a little bit fake but also a little bit not.   
The crowd dispersed. Rich left a big bag of popcorn with them and left. Jeff (who was also there for some unknown reason) grumbled. Troy clapped Jeff on the back for actually participating in their activity for once, even though it was dumb and, ultimately, pointless. Anyone could grow out of being performatively mature, and Troy was living proof of that.   
"Don't mention the fact that I’m here on your dumb show to people, okay Troy?" Jeff sounded actually annoyed. Troy's face got serious.   
"Of course not."  
"We wouldn't want to jeopardize your cool guy status, Jeff," Abed said with a level of smarm befitting the morning show host he was pretending to be.   
"Your secret is safe with us," said Troy, with a winning, extremely fake smile.   
"Oh, fuck off, you two. Talk to me again when you're out of character."  
"I don't know what he's talking about, do you?" Abed looked at Troy with mock confusion.   
"This is just how we are, Jeffrey," said Troy, trying not to laugh.   
"I'm leaving," said Jeff, leaving.   
They both laughed extremely loudly as he walked away, and the morning show freeze framed and went to commercial.   
I'm kidding. But like, imagine that happening, please. I'm doing my best with the medium here.   
Just then, Annie burst into the room, pushing past the crowd that formed every time they did their fake show.  
“Guys!” she exclaimed, with just a little bit too much brightness in her voice. “There’s a group of kids coming here next week and I volunteered all of us to do a play to encourage them not to do drugs so they don’t wind up addicts like I was!”  
Troy’s jaw dropped and the corners of his mouth attempted to curl into some semblance of a smile but he totally failed to do so and the face he made just looked like a sort of weird pout.  
“Can you tell us more about your play?” Abed was still in character as the morning show host, and thrust his microphone into her face.  
She smiled and twirled her hair. “Well,” said Annie, “I hadn’t really thought about it that much,” she started, slowly, “but I was thinking the two of you could play bees that are addicted to drugs which help you work faster and Jeff and Britta could play these cool cats that are selling the drugs to everyone and Shirley would be a green crayon that writes an anti-drug message and at the end you flush the drugs which are played by Pierce down the toilet and swear off all drugs forever!”   
She stared at them expectantly. They stared back blankly.   
“Huh?”  
“Do you want me to repeat that, Troy?”  
“Um……….” he thought about it. “No.”  
“Is that a no to the whole thing, or…?”  
“We’ll do it.” Abed sounded completely sure, and Troy turned to glare at him.  
“Oh, yay!” Annie cried. “Thank you guys so much!! You won’t regret it!” She floated away in a daze and it seemed as if she was dangerously close to crashing to Earth. The whole rejection thing had been harder on her than she cared to admit, because it was also a rejection from Jeff, who she liked more anyway.

“Abed, why did you say yes?” Troy said, exasperated.  
“I think it’ll be fun, don’t you? It’s a way to bring us all together.”  
Troy sighed heavily. “I guess so,” he muttered.  
Abed was always trying to bring people together. It got pretty annoying after a while. Maybe Troy wanted a breather from all the drama for once in his life.   
He sighed heavily and walked away with his head down and tried not to feel the confusing stew of emotions that he definitely felt. Mostly just deflated.   
"I love you," Abed wanted to say, but didn't. 

Annie strode to her first class with the peppy determination of someone who was pushing down her feelings as hard as she could. If only she could just focus on the contents of her class and nothing else.   
She missed Adderall.   
As soon as she had the thought, she shook her head as if trying to dislodge it. She knew the anti-drug play was coming from a place of wanting to stop others from going down the same path she'd gone down, but the side effect was that it was reminding her of why she'd ever even wanted to take drugs in the first place.   
She arrived in class and took notes on every word and highlighted everything in different colors and thought of nothing but the work, and wished to be another person who wasn't going through any of this. Rejection hurt. But now was not the time to think about that.   
When her class was over she went to her second class of the day and it was the same deal. Luckily Shirley was also in this class, so all she had to do was ask Shirley a few questions about what was going on with Andre and listen to what she had to say to distract herself.   
Annie didn't even have time to try to tell herself that she was strong and independent or whatever. Besides, apparently Shirley's situation with Andre was still a bit rocky. Annie gave good advice. She always did.   
Their conversation continued as they went to lunch.   
"So I'm happy, despite everything, because he said he doesn't care if the baby is his or not. I chose well. He's a good man."  
"I'm really happy for you, Shirley," said Annie, and she really was. "I think the rest of it just takes time."  
"You're right," said Shirley, sitting down next to Pierce. Everyone else was already there; their conversation had taken a while.   
"Oh, food!" Annie exclaimed. "we forgot to get food!"  
"You're late," said Troy, "they're out of chicken again."  
"It's chicken day?" Shirley said, sounding super disappointed. "I forgot."  
"It's okay!" Annie said in an attempt to stay positive. "they probably still have the leftover pizza from yesterday!"  
"That is in no way as good!" Shirley said. "They need other options."  
"Someone needs to take control of the chicken mafia-style," said Abed.  
Everyone groaned in the memory of this. “We did that last year,” said Britta. “Remember?”  
“How could I forget? That monkey’s still living in the school somewhere,” Troy muttered.  
There was just very simply no fried chicken left. And that was ALL it meant. They were not going down that road again.   
They ate in silence.   
"In case anyone was wondering," said Abed, "no one is stop motion animated right now."  
Jeff nearly choked on his sad, sad, cold, day-old pizza.   
"IM SURPRISED YOU AREN'T ALREADY INVOLVED IN SOME KIND OF MAFIA!" Pierce had finally thought of a joke.   
"Pierce, what?"  
"A-bed said he wanted to be in the mafia! I'm surprised he isn't already, considering his- nationality-you know-"  
"Pierce-" Annie cut him off. "-seriously?"  
"That doesn't even make sense, man!" Troy attempted to chew through his words.   
"My family isn't in the mafia." Abed said. "It was a joke."  
"He knows that," said Britta, glaring at Pierce.   
"I know," said Abed.   
"Do I know that?" Pierce said indignantly.   
"Of course you know that, Pierce, come on." Annie sighed.  
"I thought the mafia was Italians," Troy murmured.   
Britta rolled her eyes. "There's multiple mafias, Troy."  
"Exactly!" Pierce yelled. "So how am I supposed to know if-"  
"Jesus Christ, you guys," said Jeff, gesturing to try and make them shut up.   
It worked.   
"Andre and I made up," Shirley said quietly through the silence, and there were murmurs of faked approval. Well-faked, though, to their credit.   
"Apparently Andre-" Pierce started, clearly about to say something nasty, but he was cut off by the iciest glares from both Britta and Shirley, and instead said nothing.   
"Jeffrey," Shirley began again, "he told me you talked to him. Thank you for that."  
Jeff blushed and ducked his head, not used to being sincerely thanked by people, although the instances were getting more common lately.   
"Wow, Jeff Winger, flustered, now THAT'S a first," said Britta.   
"Shut up," said Jeff.


	12.  That sounded terrible. The tenor section was weak!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Omg you guys I am sooo sorry. Hyperfixation machine broke I hope you understand lol. This is the episode where they do the anti drug play. Hope y'all enjoy!

Annie was being completely impossible.

The rehearsal schedule for this anti-drug play was for some reason INTENSE. Troy didn’t know why he was surprised. He’d gone to high school with this girl, and this was pretty much exactly how she’d been back then too. Except less hot, he guessed.

He opened his sectioned binder (guess who gave him that) to the yellow tab to remind himself what time the rehearsal was at and tried not to audibly groan at the action. Stupid Abed and his stupid willingness to do any and all activities. Stupid sense of obligation to Annie and everyone else. Stupid binder. Stupid bee costume, even if he had deliberately put the stinger on the wrong side (for completely innocent reasons!)

They were all sitting in the study room in their dumb costumes trying to study for once in their

lives since Pierce was nowhere to be found and also Abed had texted saying he was going to be late.

“How was everyone’s weekend?” Shirley asked, trying to sound innocent.

“Fine,” they all said in unison.

“Mine was great, Andre and I-”

She was suddenly interrupted by Abed, who burst into the room, kicking the door open with enough force to make one wonder where he even stored that amount of force. “WHY WEREN’T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE?!” 

Annie screamed in surprise.

“I was fixing these dolls’ teeth,” said Troy without missing a beat.

“Um,” Britta started.

“Have you not seen the classic Christmas film ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’?” asked Troy.

“Yeah, Britta, have you not watched Rankin-Bass’ 1964 Christmas television special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Britta?” Abed sat down. He was not in costume.

“Yes, Britta, have you never viewed the very old and well known animated children’s movie called Rudolph the-”

“Enough!” Annie stood up. “Abed! Go get changed into your costume! The rest of you better start reading your lines since everyone’s here now!”

“What about Pierce?” Jeff asked.

“I don’t care about Pierce!”

“I’d say that hurts to hear but I don’t care about any of you, either,” Pierce said, entering from the back door of the classroom.

“PIERCE!” Annie cried. “Where is your costume?!”

“Costume?”

Annie’s eyes became huge with the rage of a thousand suns, but she swallowed it somehow. “Yes, Pierce, the costume I gave you? For my anti-drug play?”

“Oh, that. Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. It seems like I hardly have any-” Pierce stopped. Jeff was glaring at him with the cold of- you know what, I’m not gonna shove in another metaphor. But it was intense. 

Pierce silently shuffled off after pulling his weed leaf and rainbow afro out of his bag. Abed followed.

“Seems like someone’s cranky for not having viewed the very famous stop-motion animated-”

“Troy,” said Jeff.

“Yes, Jeff?” Troy said innocently.

“The joke’s played out.”

“Is it?”

“YES.” said everyone in the room.

They sat silently and tried to do their work. The silence was oppressively loud. 

Eventually Pierce and Abed came back, in costume. Walking by, one would have seen two bees, two cats, a crayon, a circus weed leaf, and a normal girl sitting around a table doing their homework. I’d say they would be weirded out or confused, but this is Greendale. No they wouldn’t.

“Okay!” Annie exclaimed, clapping her hands thunderously. “Let’s rehearse!”

Jeff made a mocking salute but was secretly grateful for the break from doing actual class work. Even if he was wearing a cat costume. 

They rehearsed, scripts in hand. The dialogue was- well, let's just say Annie's future did not lay in playwriting. Especially not of the educational variety. Pierce kept inserting his own lines, in a way that was pissing Annie off. She expressed this unapologetically, and the rehearsal ended on a strange note. Nobody seemed terribly happy to be participating, not even Abed, who had basically dragged half the group into this whole ordeal to begin with. Annie was worried, but refused to back down. This was happening, damn it.

The meeting slash rehearsal ended with a whimper instead of a bang, but this was just about the best that could be expected under the circumstances. Jeff tried to “help Britta text”, but we aren’t going to go into that. Pierce tried (and succeeded) to bribe Annie into giving him more lines in the play. Shirley studiously avoided Chang for the rest of the week, with some help from the girls. Things seemed to have gone mostly back to normal. But normal is a weird way to be when there are more feelings involved than there were. Things remained unspoken, unexpressed, but not unthought. 

I’m still in love with you ran through Abed’s mind every time he so much as looked at Troy.

I’m becoming more and more certain that I have feelings for you Britta kept thinking, also about Troy, but also about Jeff sometimes? And she had been so sure that whole situation was over and done with. Plus she was literally texting other guys! What a mess.

I’m struggling Annie thought constantly, I feel so lost and alone but I can’t tell anyone because I’m supposed to be the put-together one.

What if my baby is born a stranger to me, Shirley thought. Over and over. She needed someone to talk to about it, and everyone sympathised, but didn’t seem to actually understand. 

Troy turned off the part of his brain that thought about these things, and floated through the week like an especially numb cloud.

Pierce was sad about his dad, but he didn’t have to be an asshole about it. I’m not doing Jeff’s thoughts, he was being an idiot slash asshole too.

The play was a disaster. But then it wasn’t, thanks to Chang, somehow. They went out to eat at a restaurant together and it was oddly silent. For a group that banters pretty much without end, the concept of sitting together but alone in thought was strange. It didn't feel right. 

"This lasagna is delicious, isn't it, Annie?" Shirley and Annie had both ordered lasagna. Annie muttered her agreement and they were silent again. 

"The play was sure strange, wasn't it?" Shirley tried again. Annie ran off into the bathroom and shirley almost followed but thought better of it. 

"The atmosphere is strangely off," said Abed. "it seems like we are all in our own worlds."

"Yeah," scoffed Jeff. 

Britta took a huge crunchy bite of salad and then silence fell once again. 

What a weird ending, thought Abed. 


End file.
